Snape's Three Brothers
by The Tenth Doctor's Companion
Summary: COMPLETE Sequel to 'Dreams' Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth.Rated for language, Smut and cheeky comments....
1. It's The Brothers Snape

Title: Snape's Three Brothers  
  
Author: Max  
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...  
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??  
  
Archive: Yes, please  
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned.This one comes after 'Dreams, a Potion and a Sneaky Potion's Master',you finally get to meet the crazy brothers.This fic is on hold until I finish the other one so be patient. 'Another One Bites The Dust' belongs to Queen.  
  
Chapter 1-Uh oh it's the Snape triplets and their slightly off-kilter older brother.  
  
It was a relevantly normal Monday morning at breakfast time when,suddenly, voices outside the great hall interrupted everyones conversations,as they were really loud."Oh come on Steven,what's he going to say?Oh sorry,you can't come in here as, I didn't.......Ow!Who put that book there?Hmmmm!Hogwart's:A History.I remember reading this when I was a student....."What made them stare was the fact that the voice sounded exactly like Professor Snape's and they had to look to him to make sure he hadn't spoken.The voices sounded like they were coming from outside the Hall.  
  
"In the dark ages..."The same voice said.It sounded like he was arguing with himself.Two deep laughs echoed through the Hall.  
  
"I heard that.Just coz I'm older than you three doesn't make me THAT old."  
  
"Sorry Alan."  
  
"Yeah Sorry Alan.Of course you not that old although you did teach us....."  
  
"Shaun.Why am I wearing a pink bunny suit?Take that."  
  
Argh! Not the Tweenies."  
  
"Finite Incantatum.I don't see why I should bother......"  
  
"Thanks Alan."  
  
"Yeah thanks......."  
  
Snape had gone pale and he was muttering to himself,"God no...Not now.Not THEM! I hoped when I didn't reply to their letter they'd give up on coming here. Although in that howler they did threaten to come...I hoped that was just talk.."  
  
"Come on.If you two don't stop f....er messing about, I'll cut out your hearts with a spoon."  
  
"Now who's been watching too much muggle tv?"  
  
"Hey that's a movie and I........."  
  
The doors to the Great hall opened up and in walked,what could be best described as three Snape clones.They were identical except for the hair,one had long black hair tied back into a ponytail with red tips to it,another had black hair cut short, and the last one had black hair, cut in an identical style to Professor Snape's, but his hair had blonde tips to it and he was carrying a book.  
  
Everyone's jaws dropped except for Snape's.The one with the ponytail said, in a voice identical to Snape's said, "Hi everyone, We're Severus' brothers..."  
  
Everyone's jaws dropped a little more.The one with the short hair indicated his brothers,ponytail first and then,Snape haired one then himself."Hi.This is Steven,Alan and I'm Shaun.Steven,Severus and I are triplets..Severus is the youngest,then myself,then Steven,then Alan.We've come to visit..."  
  
"Yeah Severus was SO cute when he was younger.Hey Sevviekins,do you still suck your thumb?"Alan said,so everyone can hear him.  
  
"Hey Sevvie,did you get the howler that Steven so kindly did for you?"  
  
Severus' only reply to their questions was a growl and a glare.'I'm going to posion your pumpkin juice and I'll blame Potter.'  
  
"Hey Remus,How's it going?"Steven asked,noticing Lupin for the first time.  
  
"Oh Hi guys." Remus said,Smiling."Up to your pranks again?"He looked at Alan with interest."Hey I know you,have we met?"  
  
"Well seeing as I'm the spitting image of my younger brothers..........."  
  
All the tables were very interested in Severus' brothers.Harry turned to his friends."Hey Did you know about Snape having brothers that actually look and sound like him?"  
  
"It was mentioned in one of the yearbooks.The other two were sorted into Gryffindor."Hermione stated."But I didn't know about his older brother.That is I don't know what house he was in when he was here."  
  
"Snape's brothers were in Gryffindor?Ron asked.  
  
"Cool,Lupin just said they played pranks.Wonder if they'd teach us."  
  
"Harry,are you mad? Those are Snape's brothers.They could get us into trouble."Ron said.  
  
"So?They seem kinda cool."  
  
Hermione rummanged in her bag for her copy of 'Hogwarts :A History' but she couldn't find it."Damn I can't find my copy of Hogwarts:A History,I know I put it in here....."  
  
"I found this outside the door.Any idea who this could belong to?"Alan's voice interupted her tirade.She looked up and saw that he was holding her copy of Hogwarts:A History.She walked over to him.  
  
"Um..That's my copy."  
  
"Nice to see someone reads it at least,and it's....not...collecting dust."Alan said in a perfect initation of Severus.Hermione giggled,despite herself.'Hermione,what are you doing?That's Snape's brother and you giggled like a real bimbo then.'She chastized herself.'Oh my God,He looks just like Alan Rickman.Ooh I'd like to.......'  
  
Alan's voice,interupted her thoughts,yet again."I'm Alan."He said, holding out his hand.  
  
"Hermione Granger."Hermione said,shaking his hand.They walked together back to the Gryffindor table.  
  
Alan laughed, startling Hermione,"Ah yes,Miss Granger,Severus has been singing your praises."Hermione looked startled at this,and she looked at Severus who blushed,and to cover it up glared at Alan, "His exact words were,'She is the most intellegent witch to come into this school..BUT she is also the most infuriating one too...Always getting into trouble...',Hmm sounds like these two..."He said, pointing to Steven and Shaun."Intellegent but always causing chaos.I blame Sirius Black and James Potter for them two."Harry stared and Alan looked at him,"Ah yes Mr. Potter. Our new celebrity.Sorry,I love poking fun at Severus.I know those words of by heart."Alan smirked and then started laughing.Harry couldn't help himself, he started laughing too.  
  
Remus suddenly stood up and pointed to Alan."I know where I know you from, you taught us Defense Against the Dark Arts in my fifth year, but you weren't called 'Professor Snape',you had a different surname."The whole hall gasped and looked at Alan.  
  
Alan just smiled,"Oh no,I've been found out.You're right, I was born Alan Snape but I changed my surname...Doesn't have the same ring to it..."  
  
"Why?What's wrong with Snape as a surname?"  
  
"It's because he was hanging out with those muggles for so long...."Severus muttered."Turned his back on the whole Wizarding World."  
  
"Severus, you're only jealous coz I'm sucessful there."Alan said,"My new job is perfect for a wizard acting as a muggle.I get to be a wizard."  
  
"I am not jealous.If you want wear lipstick then that's up to you."  
  
"Are too,and It's not lipstick,It's called make-up and males even wear it in the muggle world."  
  
"Whatever."Severus said.  
  
What do you do in the muggle world?Mr Snape?"Asked Ron,with much intrest.  
  
"Hey Sevvie,you sound like a valley girl."Shaun laughed.  
  
"Oh shut up Mr-I-have-pranced-around-in-a-skin-tight-leather-catsuit-with-wings-coming-out-of-my-back."  
  
"That's not me, that's Alan."  
  
"Did you get paid well for that Alan?"  
  
"Oh I do stuff."Alan muttered.  
  
"IT INVOLVED A LEATHER CATSUIT?"Hermione yelled,making Ron and Harry jump.'Oh bet he looked good in that.'  
  
"Yeah well,that was one of my jobs."Alan muttered,embarrassed.He looked at Steven who was humming under his breath."Oh, SHUT UP STEVEN!"Steven looked startled,but grudgingly, fell silent."What were you humming anyway? If you want a tune,sing it so we all can hear it.I hate hummers."  
  
"You asked for it."Steven growled,sounding even more like Severus.He opened his mouth and out came an awful sound,making Alan, Severus and Shaun clap their hands over their ears.  
  
"Stop it, I know you can sing better than that."  
  
"Ok, no messing about now.My ears are ringing."Severus ordered.  
  
"You may be the second oldest but there is no excuse for that noise."  
  
"Oh shut up."  
  
"Make me."  
  
"Bite me."  
  
"Now who's the Valley Girl,Shaun?"  
  
Steven rolled his eyes behind Severus' head, pulled out his wand,pointed at his throat,muttered,"Sonarus."  
  
"Oh Severus, just kiss my butt."  
  
"Yet again you proved you were a valley girl."  
  
"I'm neither from the valley or a girl."  
  
"I could change that." Seveus pulled out his wand and pointed it at Shaun.  
  
"Stop that or you will BOTH be wearing bunny suits." Alan stated, pulling out his own wand.  
  
Steven looked at his brothers and muttered,forgetting that he had just cast the 'Sonarus' charm and everyone could hear him, "At least I can cast a couple of charms, unlike my dear brother here.'Foolish wand waving' indeed."Everyone turned to Steven in disbelief.Steven blushed as he remembered what he'd done, "Damn I forgot."  
  
"Okay everyone we are hear to hear Steven sing.You might want some back up.Sonarus.Come on you two, get waving and charming,unless Severus you've forgotten how."Alan said,his voice booming around the hall.  
  
Severus glared but pulled out his wand."Sonarus.Alan Sydney Patrick R....."  
  
Severus broke off when Alan pointed his wand at Severus,"Just give me a reason...You forget I can be just as nasty as you sometimes."He looked at Shaun."You too."  
  
"Anything for a quiet life.Sonarus."Shaun muttered,"Jeeze even Sevvie's scared of Alan when he gives that look....."  
  
"Yeah, I think even the devil would run from that look."Steven growled.  
  
"Hey at least you didn't get dear old Sevvie hexing you and then letting the cat pee on your head."  
  
"You going to sing? Or are you going to amuse us with your family squabbles." Remus asked, mildly.  
  
"I'll sing anything as long as it's not 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds' as sung by William Shatner."  
  
"Hey Bill is a very nice guy....."  
  
Steven waved his wand,saying,"I trust you know the lyrics.",and he started singing,this time in tune."Ooh, let's go."  
  
The others joined in each singing a verse each,Alan,Severus,Shaun then Steven."Ooh, let's go  
  
Steve walks warily down the street  
  
With the brim pulled way down low  
  
Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet  
  
Machine guns ready to go  
  
Are you ready, hey, are you ready for this  
  
Are you hangin' on the edge of your seat  
  
Out of the doorway the bullets rip  
  
To the sound of the beat - yeah  
  
Another one bites the dust  
  
Another one bites the dust  
  
And another one gone and another one gone  
  
Another one bites the dust, eh  
  
Hey, I'm gonna get you too  
  
Another one bites the dust  
  
How do you think I'm going to get along  
  
Without you when you're gone  
  
You took me for everything that I had  
  
And kicked me out on my own  
  
Are you happy ? Are you satisfied ?  
  
How long can you stand the heat  
  
Out of the doorway the bullets rip  
  
To the sound of the beat  
  
Look out  
  
Another one bites the dust  
  
Another one bites the dust  
  
And another one gone and another one gone  
  
Another one bites the dust, eh  
  
Hey, I'm gonna get you too  
  
Another one bites the dust  
  
Hey  
  
Oh take it  
  
Bites the dust - bite the dust hey  
  
Hey  
  
Another one bites the dust  
  
Another one bites the dust, ow  
  
Another one bites the dust, hey hey  
  
Another one bites the dust, heeey  
  
Ooh show down  
  
There are plenty of ways that you can hurt a man  
  
And bring him to the ground  
  
You can beat him  
  
You can cheat him  
  
You can treat him bad and leave him  
  
When he's down, yeah  
  
But I'm ready, yes I'm ready for you  
  
I'm standing on my own two feet  
  
Out of the doorway the bullets rip  
  
Repeating to the sound of the beat  
  
Oh yeah  
  
Another one bites the dust  
  
Another one bites the dust  
  
And another one gone and another one gone  
  
Another one bites the dust, yeah  
  
Hey, I'm gonna get you too  
  
Another one bites the dust  
  
Shoot out  
  
Hey, alright."The hall burst into applause.  
  
Alan turned to Hermione, completly forgetting about the sonarus charm, "Hey, it's true what I've told you. He just forgot one detail....I'm thinking delibratly,he forgot to say,you were lovely..."He turned to Severus,"Don't you think so?" Severus' only answer was a glare, that would petrify a basilisk."Hey Sevvie, why didn't you tell me she was lovely looking?" He turned to look at Hermione,and raised an eyebrow.Hermione blushed as he looked so much like his brother.  
  
Dumbledore interupted before Severus could reply, "Alan, are you free?"  
  
"I'm free."Alan replied, "Damn, I didn't mean to sound like Mr Humphries. What do you want me to do?"  
  
"Would you stop quoting all these damn movies and tv programmes? It kinda gets on my wick." Severus spat out,his voice echoing around the hall, "I'm well aware of who you are, and I don't need you to keep reminding me."  
  
Alan's face had gone red with anger, "For YOUR information, SEVERUS SALAZAR SNAPE, I am NOT quoting movies to get on your wick as you so elegently put it.I am doing it to see if they," he said, indicating the students, "know who I am, you you dumb, motherfucking asshole...!"   
  
"As Bruce Willis would say, Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"  
  
Alan turned to Shaun and Steven, "Why aren't you insulting him or me too?"  
  
"WHAT?!" Steven said, sounding like Alexander Dane from Galaxy Quest.  
  
"Insulting either of you would be like throwing gasoline on a flame."  
  
"And we'll be sending either one of us to the hospital wing in a matchbox."  
  
"ENOUGH!"Dumbledore yelled."Alan, I meant, are you working at the moment?"  
  
"Well, I've got a few days off. Why?You want me to kick Sevvie's butt.Oh and I wasn't wearing a catsuit with my wings it was a hoodie."  
  
"Alan, the muggle studies teacher wants to teach the students how to tango, and as you can dance, I said you'd do it."  
  
TBC   
  
Any ideas please put it in your review or email me at jadekirk007@yahoo.co.uk 


	2. The Curse Revealed, Well Kinda

Snape's Three Brothers Chapter 2  
  
Title: Snape's Three Brothers  
  
Author: Max  
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...  
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??  
  
Archive: Yes, please  
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned.Top marks to whoever spots the snippet of the song that's featured in this chapter. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised...   
  
Chapter 2  
  
"Oh that's just what I always wanted to do."Alan said,sarcastically.He sighed. "Looks like I don't have a choice..."Alan muttered."Okay I'll do it."  
  
"Thank you Alan or should I say Professor Snape, Mark Two?"Dumbledore said, patting Alan's arm.  
  
Dumbledore stood up and opened his mouth but shut it again when Remus piped up, "Why don't you use your new surname, Alan? That way we won't get confused."  
  
"Oh yeah and have all the muggleborns drool over him like he's God or something." Severus muttereed bitterly.  
  
Dumbledore smiled,"I'm sorry Alan...You'll have to go by your birth name."  
  
"Damn, spoil my fun, oh well, they can call me, well they can just call me Alan coz I can't be bothered with all this 'Professor Snape' crap."  
  
"Yeah or the students could call you 'The Voice' or something..." Shaun muttered.  
  
"Everyone,Can I have your attention please? This is the new muggle studies teacher, well, he'll be assisting Professor Dane, He's asked to be called Alan to avoid confusion with his younger brother."Dumbledore anounced.everyone clapped, especially the girls.  
  
Alan smiled and sat down next to Remus Lupin, much to Severus' disgust.  
  
Hermione put up her hand, Alan pointed to her, "Yes, Can I help you, Hermione? This isn't class so you don't need to raise your hand."  
  
"Um, Sirius mentioned this in potions last week,"Hermione started.She took a deep breath,then continued, "What is the Snape triplet curse?"  
  
Severus, Shaun and Steven paled, and looked at Alan, who sighed, "Well guys, she's bound to find out sooner or later," he paused and looked at his younger brothers for help."It's a really embarrasing curse which only affects tribbles born to the Snape family, no that's not right, I meant triplets."  
  
"Star Trek going to your head, eh Alan?" Steven muttered, smirking. "I bet you just love William Shatner to....."  
  
"Well for God's sake, just tell her before we all grow as old as you Alan..."Shaun muttered, interupting Steven's comments."Steven that is just uncalled for...Alan doesn't like Bill that much.... it's David Thewlis who's his favourite actor."  
  
"Well you see.....my brothers are cheeky sods and should be given to Remus to use as a chew toy..."Alan turned to Steven and Shaun."David Thewlis is NOT my favourite actor and he'd kill you if he heard what you said."  
  
"Miss Parkinson has a crush on him."Remus piped up."She told us all in Potions, when Severus was testing out that potion."  
  
"Yeah especially as you get to be all cosy with him in the next Harry...."  
  
"Shut up, I'm trying to tell them what the curse is and I can't if you keep interupting."  
  
"Nah it's Gary Oldman."  
  
"Jason Isaacs."  
  
Alan sighed and ran his hands through his hair."For gods sake.I wish you'd shut up."  
  
Severus stands up."I have lessons to see to."As he turned to leave, Steven fired a curse which hit him in the backside, causing Severus to yelp and whirl round."Who did that?"  
  
Shaun smirked and muttered."Turn the other cheek brother."  
  
"Someone has been watching Dragonheart again...."Steven said.  
  
"Alan did it."Steven proclaimed.  
  
"You liar."  
  
"Prove it."  
  
Severus huffedand stalked out of the Great Hall.  
  
"Anyway the curse is..."Alan paused, then he spoke at top speed, "It'sacursewhichaffectstrpiletsbornintheSnapefamilyanditcausesthetripletsborntoshareeachothersemotionsanddesires.theycanevenshareeachothersthoughtsanditcancausegreatembarassmenttoall.OhandbythewayDavidThewlisisaverygoodfriendofminesodon'tinsulthimorhemightcomedownonyoulikeatonofbricksandheknowswhatI'mdoinghereandhesayshitohiscousinRemusandthat'swhyRemuslookslikehim.."As he finished everyone looked stunned as they only caught a few words of it.  
  
"I'm not going to say it."Remus muttered.  
  
Alan smirked as he told them but they couldn't catch it all so he was pleased.He stood up and left the Hsll singing as he went out of the hall."Look into my eyes - you will see  
  
What you mean to me Search your heart - search your soul And when you find me there you'll search no more Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for...."  
  
Remus shook his head as Alan's voice faded from earshot."He's cracked.Must be hanging round those muggles too long..."  
  
TBC 


	3. A Sevvie Secret Revealed OUCH

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned.Top marks to whoever spots the snippet of the song that's featured in this chapter. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised...  
  
Chapter 3- A Sevvie Secret.OUCH!  
  
Steven and Shaun looked at each other and stared whispering to each other.   
  
"Yeah he deserves it." Steven muttered in a louder voice,ignoring Hermione's curious gaze.  
  
"Hee hee. Wait til they find out that SECRET.I can't believe he let the guy do that to him,"Shaun said, incredulously.  
  
"Well don't forget Remus wanted to get one but when he saw what the guy actually had to do he chickened out."  
  
Harry muttered,"You know you two never did tell me what you did for a living."  
  
"Didn't we? Well Steven is an Auror and I'm a....."Shaun muttered, looking embarassed.  
  
Hermione started to ask what Shaun's job was but she was interupted by the boys exclaiming.  
  
"You're an Auror?"  
  
"What's it like?"  
  
"That's so cool."  
  
"Do you have scars?"  
  
"Ron!You can't ask him that."Hermione scolded.  
  
"It's ok.."Steven assured her,"No I don't have many scars but I do have this."He said, pulling his shirt up and showed them his toned stomach and a nipple ring.  
  
All the girls stopped talking and stared at him."Wow!" Lavender sighed,"I want to tug that ring."  
  
"Did it hurt?"Harry asked.  
  
"No I got it when I was very drunk."Steven muttered,"This is also a way of telling us apart, if we're naked that is."He smirked as Hermione and the girls turned pink."I've my nipple, right ear and tongue pierced,Shaun has his ear and navel pierced and he also has a tattoo of a devil on his left butt cheek.Alan doesn't have any, coz it might ruin his image and Severus did have his left ear, his tongue,his nipple, his nose, his navel and his....um... tackle pierced but it looks like he took out the tongue ring and the nose ring.I don't know if he's taken out any of the others.He also has a tattoo on his right shoulder of a lion."  
  
"WHAT?! Professor Snape has piercings."Hermione yelled.  
  
"Well he was drunk at the time.Us guys took Sevvie out for a drink.We all got plastered and we ended up going to a muggle tattoo parlour. Remus backed out of getting a piercing because he was a..." Shaun explained.  
  
"Chicken, Sirius has his ear pierced by the way.Remus did get a tattoo though."Steven snorted,"Imagine a big bad werewolf being afraid of a little needle...Well maybe not so little.He wanted to get his tongue done but when he saw the needle, he bolted.."  
  
"Maybe it was too many memories of getting his shots when he was younger."  
  
"Yeah it was so hilarious.Remus did agree to get a tattoo though.It's of a werewolf howling at the moon."  
  
"He's got another one.This one's of Yugi from Yu Gi Oh.He's become quite addicted to it."  
  
"I'm not going to ask how you know that..The next day Sev wakes up and doesn't recall a thing, he has a shower and he notices the piercings but doesn't feel a thing.."  
  
"Until he puts his clothes on and comes to sit down for breakfast...OUCH!"  
  
Harry,Ron and Hermione laughed,"You didn't tell us what you do, Mr Snape."Harry asked,still laughing.  
  
"Please call us Steven and Shaun.Mr Snape makes us feel old."  
  
"I'm a stuntman.I double for Alan Rickman on the films." Shaun said."You know when he has to do dangerous stunts."  
  
"Cool."  
  
"Alan Rickman is my favourite actor."Hermione stated,"And he's your brother."Steven and Shaun looked at each other in shock.  
  
"Steven opened his mouth."How..."  
  
"sorry guys, she sometimes go off into these flights of fancy, thinking Alan Rickman is Professor Snape's brother."Ron explained."Just because they look alike she thinks they're brothers."  
  
"But she's right."Shaun exclaimed,"Alan Rickman is our brother and you've just met him, and he's your Muggle Studies teacher."  
  
The students' jaws, apart from Hermione's of course, dropped open."You mean that she was right."  
  
"I told you."  
  
"I'm sorry for not believing you Hermione."  
  
"Oh my god."  
  
"He's even sexier in person."  
  
"Ooh wouldn't mind a bit of him on a stick."  
  
"What's his next movie?"  
  
"ALAN RICKMAN IS OUR MUGGLE STUDIES TEACHER!"Parvati yelled, so loudly that everyone in the Great Hall heard her."HE IS LIKE THE SEXIEST ACTOR IN THE WHOLE WORLD!"  
  
Alan and Severus chose that moment to return to the Great Hall and they both heard the last comment and what Pansy yelled back."NO, DAVID THEWLIS IS.ANYWAY I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU LIKED DENNIS QUAID."  
  
"CAN'T I HAVE BOTH?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"I WANT JASON ISAACS."  
  
"GARY OLDMAN."  
  
"QUIET!" Dumbledore yelled without effect.  
  
Alan turned to Severus and muttered,"Well it looks like they found out."  
  
TBC 


	4. The Phone Call

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned.Top marks to whoever spots the snippet of the song that's featured in this chapter. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised...Those who watch 'V Graham Norton' will know who I'm referring to in this part.It's going to be a one sided conversation for part of it.  
  
Chapter 4- The Phone Call  
  
Before Alan could say any more, his mobile started to ring,"Sometimes I wish I never charged this damn thing to work in Hogwarts."He muttered."I also wish that I hadn't chosen that tune as well."The phone kept ringing insistently.He growled and pressed the button to answer."Hello."  
  
"......"said the voice on the other end.  
  
"Oh hi.How are you?"  
  
"........"  
  
"Yeah I'm fine....Listen, did you tell David that Graham said he looks like Harry Enfield?"  
  
"........"  
  
"You'd better tell him or I might."  
  
".........!"  
  
"Oh I will,and then you'd have to live the rest of your life dressed as a woman..."  
  
".........."  
  
"I only wore that dress for THAT scene.I don't go to the Ritz dressed like that."  
  
"....."  
  
"Yes well. I have to go..."  
  
".............."  
  
"Bye."  
  
"..."  
  
Alan hung up and ignored the students' curious stares.Harry put up his hand."Yes Harry?"  
  
"Who was that?"  
  
"Snuffles."Alan replied,with a laugh.  
  
"But Snuffles has just come into the hall."Harry protested.Harry noticed that Sirius was carry a vial of something and that he poured it into Alan's drink.Harry saw Sirius lean towards Severus, and mutter something which made Severus first stare at Sirius in disgust and then start laughing,quietly.  
  
Harry nudged Hermione, which made her turn round to face him,"What Harry?"  
  
"Sirius just put something in Alan's drink."  
  
"I hope it's not dangerous."Hermione muttered, watching Alan take gulp down his drink and then choke.  
  
"Urgh! That tastes like old socks, What was that?"  
  
TBC  
  
(A/N: What did Sirius put in Alan's drink? Who was on the phone? Why was Alan doing most of the talking in this chapter?) 


	5. Return Of The Potion

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned.Top marks to whoever spots the film being parodied in this part...Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised.OOH a dream sequence.  
  
Chapter 5- Return of the potion  
  
Hermione looked at Alan's disgusted face."Oh no! They didn't..."She muttered, but she broke off as a bubble came out of Alan's head."They did."  
  
The whole hall stopped talking and watched Alan's dream unfold.  
  
**Alan's Dream**  
  
(Cheerleader(including Hermione and Ginny are dancing sexily(What is it with these guys and cheerleaders?)We cut to Sirius,Lucius and Remus sitting in the stands.Alan is nowhere to be seen.Lucius is dressed as a girl.)  
  
Sirius(Leaning forward to get a better look): Is that our girl? Ooh la la.  
  
Remus(nose stuck in book): She's no Lucy.  
  
Lucius:Thank you Remus.  
  
Remus: She looks nothing like a drag queen.  
  
(Hermione steps forward,wearing a tiny red top and tiny skirt.She dances really sexily(Pelvic thrusts and all.)Everyone in the stands is oohing and aahing as she does it. but Lucius looks unimpressed.Alan (as Severus) comes and sits down behind Lucius.Lucius turns round and fixes him with a glare.)  
  
Severus:Hey!  
  
Lucius: What do you want?Come to get your recommended daily allowance of homogenized blonde bimbos?  
  
Severus: I'm here to apologise.I said some harsh things.  
  
Lucius: Oh well apology fairly accepted.  
  
Severus: Hermione came onto me pretty hard.She touched my knee,gave me all these french looks.I fell for it, but she only did it to get what she wanted.  
  
Lucius: I'm beggining to notice that she always gets what she wants,including what I want.  
  
(We see Hermione is still doing her sexy dance and Draco as a football player stops and stares at her, after he threw a pass, and gets hit in the head with the football.)  
  
Lucius(leaning towards Remus, who is reading a book.):What are you reading?(Remus shows Lucius the book front which has on it, Phillip K Dick.)Oh I like Dick.Ok I'll cut the crap what does this mean? j'ai une bouche des comme dix digits et j'ai dix digits des comme une bouche?  
  
Remus: I have a mouth like ten fingers and ten fingers like a mouth.  
  
(Lucius screams.)  
  
**End Alan's Dream**  
  
TBC  
  
(A/N: I told you I'd bring it back.Why did Alan dream this? Who was on the phone?) 


	6. Snuffles' Fate Revealed and Cast Reviews

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned.Top marks to whoever spots the film being parodied in this part...Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid.   
  
Chapter 6  
  
Remus turned to Alan."What was that?"  
  
"I don't know,prehaps you better tell me."Alan replied.  
  
"I think someone spiked your drink."Steven muttered,not bothering to look up from his book,somehow during the dream sequence he had opened a big heavey book and was getting into it.He looked up finally,"Hey Sirius.What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be dead?"  
  
"You what?"Sirius asked, now totally confused.  
  
Alan rolled his eyes, "Idiot, you've been getting way TOO far into the 5th book. You never should've sold Hary's stories to the JK Rowling person."  
  
Harry looked up as he heard his name,"Hey what do you mean?"  
  
"This woman, wrote your stories and passed them off as fiction. They also have movies out and that is where I come in, I'm going to be playing, the Professor, you all know and love,Severus Snape."  
  
"Am I in it?"Sirius asked, Alan nodded."Who's playing me?"  
  
A whole barrage of noise,assulted Alan's ears.  
  
"Who's playing me?"  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"It better be someone good."  
  
"Who's doing me?" Harry asked.  
  
"Good at what?"  
  
Alan yelled,"Quiet! Harry, I could really take that, the wrong way you know. The cast list is extensive but the main players are....."He took a deep breath."Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter,Emma Watson as Hermione Granger, Rupert Grint as Ron Weasley,Robbie Coltrane as Rubeus Hagrid,Gary Oldman, Sirius Black,"This news caused Sirius to dance around the tables, yelling,"Gary Oldman as little old me!" Everyone laughed.  
  
  
  
"May I continue?" Alan Smirked, everyone nodded,"Michael Gambon as Headmaster Albus Dumbledore,Maggie Smith as Professor Minerva McGonagall, Tom Felton as Draco Malfoy and, finally,David Thewlis as Professor Remus Lupin." Remus looked stunned.  
  
Pansy yelled out,"Oh yeah! I'm gonna see it now. David Thewlis, as Lupin, YES!"  
  
Alan looked confused, Sirius filled him in,"She has a huge crush on him.She told us all."  
  
Sirius walked over to Steven and took the book from him.He flicked to the back of the book and saw what happens to him.His eyes widened."BLOODY HELL!!"He yelled.  
  
"What is it Snuffles?" Remus asked, taking the book from Sirius.  
  
"Aw.. isn't that cute? And they wonder where all those slash writer's get their inspiration from?"Steven muttered.  
  
TBC 


	7. Limp Wrists and VGN

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned...Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. If you don't know to whom I'm referring to in this chapter.Too bad.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Remus looked at Sirius and then pulled a disgusted face, as he realised what Steven had meant."Ew no.."  
  
"Hello one is Snuffles.Snuffles doesn't like the piss taken out of him."Sirius said."Snuffles also wants to have words with JK Rowling because Snuffles is still here."  
  
"Shame."Severus muttered."What's with all the third person stuff?"  
  
"At least he didn't say 'One is the Queen.'complete with limp wrist and all, That would be too like watching Graham Norton."Hermione muttered.  
  
"Graham who?"Remus asked.  
  
Hermione opened her mouth to answer but, shut it again when, Alan cut in over her."Muggle comic.Takes the micky out of the Royal Family."  
  
"Isn't he the one who said about his wrist hurting?"Sirius asked.Alan nodded."Oh he's so cool.I want to be on there."  
  
"Welcome to Limp Wrist Association." Severus muttered,wryly.Everyone looked at him,"What?Alan is my brother,Don't you think he'd make me watch muggle shows with him?"  
  
"He's a big VGN fan."Alan supplied, helpfully,ignoring Severus' glare.  
  
"Dudley is too."Harry said."I think he fancies Graham or something."  
  
Steven muttered something imcomprehensible.He ignored the stares he was getting form everyone else.  
  
Harry looked up to see an owl drop a parcel on Steven head.Steven put the newspaper aside and opened the rest of his mail.Harry leaned over and asked,"Can I read this?"Steven nodded as he was deeply imersed in his letter."Thanks."  
  
Harry opened the newspaper and his eyes widened."Woah!"  
  
"What Harry? Has the Minister messed up again?Umbridge getting married? "Ron asked.  
  
TBC  
  
(A/N: What was in the newpaper? Is it even the Daily Prophet?)Read and Review. 


	8. The Sun, Swearing and Draco

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned.Top marks to whoever spots the film being parodied in this part...Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid.   
  
Chapter 8  
  
Harry showed Ron the newpaper,and Ron's eyes widened."Woah They don't usually have this in the Daily Prophet.Wait a minute, the pictures aren't moving. What paper is this?"He looked at the front which read,'The Sun.'  
  
Harry looked at Steven, incredulously."You get the Sun?"  
  
"Yeah, So?"  
  
"No reason. It's just that I can't imagine Professor Snape to read it."  
  
Hermione snatched the paper from Harry.Her eyes widened."That's wrong.Girls shouldn't be asked to show their boobs for all to see."  
  
"Well Hermione, If you showed your boobs then maybe your crush will notice you...."Shaun grinned making Hermione blushed.  
  
"Yeah, he really needs to get laid." Steven added,making Harry blush.  
  
Draco, who was passing behind Hermione grabbed the paper out of Hermione's hands and looked at it."Why Granger..."  
  
"It's not mine, it's Steven's."  
  
"Can I borrow it?" Draco asked.  
  
"No I don't want you squirting all over it."Steven protested, loudly."Ew no. I'd rather kiss Bush."  
  
"Huh?" Draco asked.  
  
Severus looked over Draco's shoulder."Mr Malfoy, I will have to confiscate it..."He turned to Steven,"Steven, you mustn't bring stuff like that into a school."He took it out of Draco's hands.  
  
"Sevvie, If you just had a....... fiddle once in a while, maybe you would be happier."  
  
"Nah, what he needs is a full blown shag."Alan added.  
  
"In more ways than one."Steven grinned, which made his brothers, not including Severus, laugh.  
  
"Shit, can we say shag in front of students?"Steven asked."Or even Shit for that matter?"  
  
"Well I've heard Mr Weasley use that sort of language, so I guess yes."Severus replied, making Ron blush."I also seem to remember Alan calling me a dumb, motherfucking asshole."Severus added, making all the students within earshot gasp.  
  
"Professor,"Hermione adomished,"using language, like that in front of students.Honestly."  
  
Severus looked at Hermione and asked,"Hey Hermione, has anyone told you that when you do that you sound like....."  
  
TBC  
  
(A/N: Who does Severus have in mind?)Read and Review. 


	9. Potions, Neville and Cat Fur

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. This part was written while listening to my Queen album(I'm a big Queen fan in case you didn't know.)and the song is included in this part.  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Alan opened his mouth to answer but was saved by the bell ringing shrilly to signal the first lesson.Hermione leapt up,"Oh crap, it's potions first thing.We can't be late for HIM." She said, while stuffing her books in her bag.Steven, Alan, Shaun, Harry,Draco, and Ron shared a look, while Severus just hid a smirk.  
  
Hermione ran out of the hall, while singing loudly,"Why don't you take another little piece of my heart,   
  
Why don't you take it and break it,  
  
And tear it all apart,  
  
All I do is give  
  
All you do is take  
  
Baby why don't you give me  
  
A brand new start  
  
So let me live (so let me live)  
  
Let me live (leave me alone)  
  
Let me live, oh baby  
  
And make a brand new start."Her voice faded from earshot. Harry and the other students filed out after her, leaving Remus, Steven, Shaun,Alan,Sirius and ,of course, Severus.  
  
Severus turned to Remus and said,"Now there's a girl after my own heart."  
  
Alan smirked, "So I knew you were sweet on her."He pushed Severus out the door,"Come on you don't want to be late for potions. I'm coming with you 'cause I don't have a lesson until second period."  
  
Severus groaned,"Oh crap."  
  
"I heard that."  
  
As they entered the classroom ten minutes later, the class went quiet."Today we will be making the Vocus Switch potion. I warn you that this is a extremely complex potion."Severus looked around at Steven and Shaun, "You two will be with Longbottom. I trust you know how to make Vocus Switch."  
  
Steven looked at Shaun and they both nodded and sat down next to Neville and got their stuff ready.Steven looked at Neville, who looked nervous,because of Severus' brothers.Alan was paired off with Harry behind Neville.  
  
A little while later, Neville was a little confused as Steven and Shaun were arguing, on the order of the ingredients,"I'm sure the nightshade goes in before the cat fur."Steven whispered, his voice full of venom.  
  
"You moron, cat fur first, nightshade after." Shaun whispered back, his voice getting louder with every word.  
  
"Look, you don't know jack. Neville, add the nightshade."  
  
"Don't, you'll kill us all."  
  
"SHUT UP! ADD THE GODDAMN NIGHTSHADE!" Steven yelled, making Neville jump, causing him to drop both the nightshade and the cat fur at the same time, causing the potion to turn a deep orange and to bubble menecingly.Steven, Neville and Shaun ducked under the desk.Severus, sensing something was amiss, swooped over, just as the potion exploded, covering Severus and Alan completely."Oh, this is just bloody great."Alan griped, orange potion dripping off his nose.  
  
TBC  
  
(A/N: What effect will the potion have on them?)Read and Review. 


	10. Half A Point Professor?

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned.Top marks to whoever spots the film being parodied in this part...Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. Severus is a little out of character but there is a good reason for that. Can you guess what it is?  
  
Chapter 10  
  
"What happened?" Hermione asked.Alan opened his mouth to answer but all that came out of his mouth came a groan. He clutched his stomach, groaning in pain,on the other side of him Severus did the same, groaning as they both collapsed on the floor.Hermione ran to the side of Severus,kneeled down beside him, and asked, "Professor, are you alright?"  
  
Remus shared a look with Sirius, that plainly said,'True Love.'  
  
Severus looked up, as the pain wore off and said,smiling,"Sure. I'm fine." He looked her over and said,"You're so lovely.I saw a poem that describes you perfectly, It goes something like this,'I hear your voice telling me you love me, I hear your whispers telling me you want me but all I do is run away cause I'm scared of getting hurt, scared of you holding me cause I'm scared of love.'" A pause, then Severus burst out with,"Good God, What was that?"He blushed and turned to Hermione, who was looking a little misty eyed.  
  
He opened his mouth to say something else but was interupted by Draco,"Professor, Potter just called me a ferret."  
  
Severus got to his feet, looked at Draco and said,"Draco I have three words for you...GET OVER IT!"  
  
Draco's jaw dropped."P-p-professor, aren't you going to take points off them?"  
  
"Yeah,"Came Alan's sardonic voice, "you'd better take points otherwise Draco will get all upset."  
  
"Whatever,"Severus sighed,"Very well, half a point off Gryffindor."  
  
Everyone's jaws dropped at that,"Half a point?...Good God, the hourglasses are going to have a nervous breakdown." Alan muttered.  
  
"Like I said before, Get over it.sheesh!I don't have time to wipe sniveling Slytherin's backsides or their noses."  
  
"B-b-b-but Professor, isn't Potter going to get detention?"Draco asked.  
  
"To do what exactly? Hit me with a fish?"Severus said.He chuckled,"Sorry, inside joke."He explained as some of the students looked puzzled.  
  
"What did that twit do now?" Alan groaned."I always seem to be washing my clothes."  
  
"The house elves must really love you." Severus commented.  
  
"WHAT IS GOING ON?" Steven yelled.  
  
TBC 


	11. Chinese Fighting Muffin?

Sorry it's short but this is all I managed to eek out of my computer before it died on me.OMG More singing! 'I Love Rock 'N' Roll.' belongs to Alan Merrill and Jake Hooker.  
  
Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned.Top marks to whoever spots the film being parodied in this part...Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. Severus is a little out of character but there is a good reason for that. Can you guess what it is?  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Shaun muttered something rude about Steven, ignoring the glare Steven sent his way. "God Steven, could you be any more dumb?" Shaun asked again, this time a little louder."You totally wrecked the the classroom and you nearly killed two of your brothers."Steven reached into his bag and pulled out a muffin and threw it at Shaun, who wisely ducked, as the muffin embedded itself into the door, right next to Remus."Woah!" Remus asked, pointing at it,"What's this?"   
  
"Chinese fighting muffin." Shaun replied, laughing.  
  
"That's not funny. A friend of mine once took a Chinese fighting muffin in the chest; they sent him home in four Ziploc bags." Remus said.  
  
Steven growled."They're not Chinese fighting muffins, they're chocolate!What is going on?I mean, Alan you're acting very 'out of character' or in fanfic speak'OOC', and you too, Severus."  
  
Shaun stopped laughing,"Yeah it's almost as if you guys have.....You have, haven't you?"  
  
Alan and Severus nodded."Yes." They said in unison.  
  
"We have, no thanks to 'Mr Chinese Fighting Muffin' over there." Severus said.  
  
"Don't insult our brother, it's his fault that we are in this goddamn predictament."Alan groused.He fiddled with his hair,"God I'm going to have to change my hair again."  
  
"Don't you dare. I mean I need it for continuity. How do you think the nitpickers will react if 'Professor Severus Snape's' hair suddenly changes colour? They would have a field day."  
  
"Well at least it's not to short or too long.It's just too blonde for me.Anyway MY hair has always been black so why are you blonde?"  
  
"It's for the film I'm doing at the same time as 'Harry Potter' I have to switch my hair colour for the two different roles."  
  
"Oh dear, What a shame."  
  
"Careful or I'll get 'Mr Chinese Fighting Muffin' on to you."  
  
"Someone has been watching too much Charlie's Angels." Shaun commented.  
  
"I'm bored,"Steven muttered,He started singing quietly, "Hey, is this thing on? (uh uh)  
  
I saw her dancin there by the record machine  
  
I knew she must have been about 17  
  
The beat was going strong  
  
Playin my favorite song  
  
I could tell it wouldn't be long till she was with  
  
Me (yeah me)  
  
I could tell it wouldn't be long till she was with  
  
Me (yeah with me)  
  
(sing it)  
  
I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the  
  
Juke box baby  
  
I love rock and roll so come and take the time and  
  
Dance with me  
  
Ow!  
  
She smiled so I got up and asked for her name  
  
But that don't matter she said, cuz it's all the same.  
  
She said, can I take you home?   
  
Where we can be alone  
  
And next we're moving on, and she was with me (yeah  
  
Me)  
  
We were moving on, and singing that same ol' song  
  
(yeah with me)  
  
(singing)  
  
I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the  
  
Juke box baby  
  
I love rock and roll, so come and take the time and  
  
Dance with me  
  
Ow!  
  
I love rock and roll, yea  
  
Cause it soothes my soul, yea  
  
I love rock and roll, yea ay yea  
  
She said, can I take you home?   
  
Where we can be alone  
  
And next we're moving on, and she was with me (yeah  
  
Me)  
  
We were moving on, and singing that same ol' song  
  
(yeah with me)  
  
(singing)  
  
I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the  
  
Juke box baby  
  
I love rock and roll, so come and take the time and  
  
Dance with me  
  
Ow!  
  
(singing)  
  
I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the  
  
Juke box baby  
  
I love rock and roll, so come and take the time and  
  
Dance with me  
  
Ow!"  
  
"Who was that about?" A bemused Harry asked Steven.  
  
TBC  
  
(A/N Who was Steven singing about? What's up with Alan and Severus?) Read and Review. 


	12. Crap On Voldermort's Pantyhose?

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned.Top marks to whoever spots the film being parodied in this part...Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. Severus is a little out of character but there is a good reason for that. Can you guess what it is?Eeak More singing,'Got You belongs to whoever, the lyrics are mine however.You might reconise where I got the lyrics from.  
  
Chapter 12  
  
Alan muttered,"Never mind.Is this a singing contest? Can I join in?"He opened his mouth and sung and rapped, stealing the lyrics from someone, who he had heard rap these lyrics, not so long ago."Yeah Yeah  
  
Get your pants off take yo shirt off and spread them  
  
Opposition I'll just take him  
  
bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]  
  
Understand, I'll never kid around with you  
  
Try to resist I'll dismiss you  
  
bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]   
  
Basically I'm the worst nightmare you ever had  
  
Figure a trigger happy black cat with a pink tail  
  
Parading around Hogwarts school[Argh!]  
  
High off milk, with a banana clip  
  
Feasting off the weak tea of Hogwarts  
  
with a manuscript, and professional ass whipping  
  
Task force, brass knuckles a master in ass kicking  
  
If you ask for it I'll blast for it you back-flipping  
  
No one saw it I won't stop the clock ticking   
  
Got a wizard for a partner that's ready to fight me  
  
The world's a merry-go-round I stereotype slythies  
  
He's a spit in the face for pit bull and bite gryffies  
  
Matters of fact, I kinda like this cat for a white tiger  
  
Get your pants off take yo shirt off and spread them  
  
Opposition I'll just take him  
  
bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]  
  
Understand, I'll never kid around with you  
  
Try to resist I'll dismiss you  
  
bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]  
  
I got the project sorta locked they trust my logic   
  
'cos the star profs got it from wands to damn curses  
  
My object is to deprogram blind ya optics  
  
You cannot stop this mission this topic  
  
'cos you can write tickets my sweetheart or get paid  
  
Learn this game in the streets or get slayed  
  
collect this cheese at the end of this maze  
  
Or hit the desk and fill out forms for days  
  
Need I remind you   
  
how easy it would be to take the city by storm with the whole force behind you  
  
Shorty in the trunk and on my collar there's a bell too  
  
'cos psychologically the wands you use will define you  
  
Get your pants off take yo shirt off and spread them  
  
Opposition I'll just take him  
  
bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]  
  
Understand, I'll never kid around with you  
  
Try to resist I'll dismiss you  
  
bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]  
  
These evil streets don't sleep  
  
Be careful with who you mingle  
  
In a city where it pays to be bi-lingual  
  
Jokes so brief-o "  
  
"I'm Maxi leaving enemies stunned on arrival  
  
For a couple of mill and you're screwing my fun up  
  
Trying to play the hero cat and you still suck  
  
Put you to bed with one in your head you won't feel much  
  
(Repeat 2 X)  
  
Get your pants off take yo shirt off and spread them  
  
Opposition I'll just take him  
  
bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]  
  
Understand, I'll never kid around with you  
  
Try to resist I'll dismiss you  
  
bite me [bite me ] bite me [bite me ]"  
  
Draco looked at Alan,"Hey you stole those lyrics off Max."  
  
"Who's Max?" Severus asked.  
  
"He's right.You stole them.Professor you should know who Max is.."Hermione added."Hang on, how could you not know? Unless......OH MY GOD!"She rounded on Steven,"You switched them.No wonder.Oh God."  
  
"Crap on Voldermort's pantyhose."Shaun commented."Steven, YOU ARE A GODDAMN IDIOT!"  
  
TBC 


	13. You wear what when you're sunbathing?

Snape's Brothers   
  
Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Top marks to whoever spots the film being parodied in this part...Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa…  
  
Chapter 13  
  
"Isn't Max that very nice black cat?" Steven asked. "Hey I'm not an idiot."  
  
"Yes, but surely you meant annoying and rude?" Alan replied. "You ARE an idiot. I don't know how you passed your auror training."  
  
"Brains, my dear brother."  
  
Alan walked over to Severus' desk and opened the drawer and pulled out a pair of scissors. He walked up behind Steven and cut off his hair just above the ponytail band, so his hair was in the style of Severus. Steven whirled around and scowled at Alan. "What did you do that for? My hair!" Steven wailed.  
  
"Well as I thought you needed a haircut, Steven." Alan replied.  
  
"If I didn't know that you were really Severus in that body, I would've guessed. Only Severus is THAT evil."  
  
"It'll grow back." Alan retorted. He turned to Hermione and thrust Steven's hair into her hand. "Miss Granger, hold onto that." Hermione took it and put it in her pocket as it was the only place she could put it, to keep her hands free.  
  
"You can stick a bean sprout up your hole." Steven replied, his hand coming up to stroke what was left of his hair.  
  
"Ew! No thanks, it'd be waste of a good bean sprout."  
  
"Oh my God! They start filming in two days." Severus suddenly interrupted. "Poor Daniel, poor Rupert, poor David, poor Gary and poor Emma too, having to put up the real Sevvie." He looked at Alan, "Now Sevvie, play nice. I don't want to hear that you were mean to them." He gave Alan a look that said, 'If you do, I'll come down on you like a ton of bricks.'  
  
Alan sighed, "It wouldn't be the first time that I've had to be you, and I have a feeling it won't be the last."  
  
"Yeah I know. At least this time it didn't make you turn into a baby and have your mum change your nappy because you've done a poo-poo but you know how to go to potty." Severus muttered. Steven, Shaun and Alan all nodded.The students just looked confused.  
  
"That's true." Steven growled.  
  
Alan addressed the class. "If any of you tell anyone else what has happened here to day, I'll personally cut your heart out with a spoon. UNDERSTAND?" The class nodded, looking fearful.  
  
"That's my line." Severus protested  
  
"So? I'm in your body, so I can steal your lines."  
  
"And my underwear…"  
  
"You're wearing underwear? What a surprise."   
  
"I'm always wearing underwear, it's Steven and Shaun that don't."  
  
"We also sunbathe in the nude." Shaun told the class, making all the girls blush.  
  
Hermione and Ginny shared a look.  
  
"That's way too much information." Alan said, "I don't think the class needed to know that."  
  
"I'm not wearing any at the moment," Steven clarified, "Do you girls want to see?" The girls all nodded. Steven smiled and reached for his zip.  
  
TBC  
  
(A/N: What secrets are they holding?) read and review. 


	14. Touching Snape Up

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Top marks to whoever spots the film being parodied in this part...Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa… I got inspired to write this while trying to write the next part of Shagging Snape.  
  
Chapter 14  
  
Steven slowly unzipped his trousers, ignoring the girls lustful glances, and pulled them open so the class could see that he wasn't, in fact, wearing any underwear."See I told you I wasn't..."  
  
Remus looked down at Steven's crotch and then realising where his eyes had been looked quickly up."Great." He muttered, "Now I feel much less of a man now.."  
  
"Aren't you and David identical?"Steven asked, his bits still hanging out.  
  
"Not as identical as you guys."  
  
Alan put his hand in front of Steven's crotch,"Steven put it away..." He ordered.  
  
"Severus, don't touch what you can't afford."Steven growled.  
  
"I can afford it and besides I have my own one to play with." Alan retorted.  
  
"Well go and play with it then."  
  
"I would but I'm currently not occupying my own body so I can't."  
  
Steven jumped as he felt a featherlike touch on his nether regions. He looked down to see Ginny running a finger along it.She looked up at him, "It's so soft.."  
  
Alan blinked,'That can not be Miss Weasley touching up my brother..."He blinked again, 'It is, AND she's doing it in front of her brother and he's just watching..'  
  
Steven's hand reached down and grabbed her hand and pulled it, gently away. He grinned at her, as he put himself away. "As much as I love being touched up, this is neither the time or the place..." He looked at Sirius, "Although if your crush won't come through, I might just have to have you for myself."  
  
TBC 


	15. Making over Ginny

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side   
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit.Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from.Set in Harry's Sixth year.This is an AU because I haven't killed off Siruis and he's been found innocent.Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike.One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs.Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned.Top marks to whoever spots the snippet of the song that's featured in this chapter. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised...  
  
Chapter 15  
  
Ginny blushed, "I don't know what you mean......Uh....."  
  
"Steven...My name is Steven although I do answer to Severus, Shaun, Alan, Oi you or even Bedhopper although not all the rumours are true.."  
  
Alan snorted, "What? Not even the one when you were caught shagging that fifth year in the broom closet?" Shaun and Severus started to chuckle. Remus and Sirius burst out laughing.  
  
Steven blushed as that one was true and the story had found it's way round the school in no time. He had to endure a week of teasing before Severus had been caught in the same situation."Shut up Severus...You weren't the innocent flower either..." He snapped, "I seem to remember you getting caught in the same situation with a Gryffindor no less."  
  
The students all looked at Alan incredulously.' Snape caught shagging a Gryffindor?'  
  
"I wasn't the one getting chewed out because it was some sixth year's girlfriend that you were shagging..I remember he threatened to beat you up until you whispered something in his ear that made him back off...."  
  
"Shut up."Steven snarled, reminding the students how much like his brother he was. "I'm trying to talk to.....um..Ginny and you keep f...... bloody well interrupting me.." He turned to Ginny and said to her, with a mischievious grin on his face, which made him look even more sexy than ever."I know who your crush is and I will help you to make him notice you.."  
  
Ginny gulped and nodded her ok.Steven smiled and dragged her in a corner.  
  
Severus turned to Hermione and said to her quietly, answering the question that has been bursting out of her gut, "Don't worry, he knows what he's doing." at her look he elaborated, as an auror he's had to do a lot of undercover work..."  
  
"Yeah in both meanings of the word..."Shaun interrupted. "Better be careful or Steven will be adding another notch on his well marked bedpost.."#  
  
"If half those stories are true, I'm suprised his bed hasn't collapsed." Sirius added, joining the conversation.  
  
"That's a big IF." Remus remarked. "He always was a charmer. He could always get ANYONE into bed with him by using the voice, heck all of them do." He added with a look at Severus.  
  
"Anyone? Don't you mean any girl?" Hermione asked.  
  
"No I mean ANYONE,"Remus confirmed, "Heck if I wasn't straight, I'd be joining the queue."  
  
"Me too."Sirius agreed. Severus and Hermione gave him a look,"I'm straight, so is Steven.... Well sort of...He swings both ways.."  
  
"I'm straight and so is Alan and Severus." Shaun confirmed.  
  
"But it's cool.."  
  
"Sirius here has a thing for a girl named...."Remus teased.  
  
They were interrupted in their gossiping when Steven gave a shout from across the classroom.  
  
TBC 


	16. The makeover result

Chapter 15  
  
They all turned around and saw that Steven had put Ginny's hair up in a loose bun, with a few tendrils framing her face.  
  
Sirius' jaw dropped,"Wow!"  
  
Steven smiled,"Isn't she just....precious?"  
  
Alan opened his mouth to respond but instead let out a yelp, "What was that? My pocket is vibrating."  
  
Severus sighed, "Idiot, that's my mobile... Wonder who that is." He dug around Alan's pocket and pulled his mobile out, which was vibrating and ringing madly.He looked at the screen, "It's Gary.."  
  
"Gary Oldman?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Yes. How many Garys do you think I know?" Severus answered."Now Gary knows about Hogwarts and everything..so he won't be suprised." He pressed the answer button."Hey Gary.What's up?" The others could hear it this time because Severus had put it on loudspeaker..  
  
"About time."Gary responded.  
  
"Shut up. I had to have a good dig around my pocket."  
  
"Alright. No need to get your pants in a bunch... I was just ringing to ask, are you looking forward to filming?"  
  
"As long as you don't steal the screen."  
  
"I'm in for about 30 mins tops." Gary retorted. "Unlike you... You scene stealing hack."  
  
Severus' voice took on a teasing tone,"Rent Boy." The students looked confused.  
  
"Slut."Gary teased back.  
  
"Drag Queen."  
  
"Drama Queen."  
  
"Slash Puppy"  
  
"Mancandy Tramp."  
  
"Where did you pick that up from?"Severus asked,"Werewolf Groupie"  
  
"Lucius Lover"  
  
"Bondage Freak"  
  
"Dominatrix"  
  
"Leather Lover"  
  
"Silk Freak"  
  
"You're not going to let me get the last word, are you?"  
  
"Never have, never will.."Gary retorted."I'm not the one getting cosy with David."  
  
Steven let out a yell."Ha! I knew it."  
  
"Shut it, Steven." Severus growled,"You do know what happens to Sirius in the fifth book, don't you?"  
  
"Yeah, I heard... Is he there?"  
  
"Yeah he's here."Severus replied. "When I read the fifth book, I cheered when Sirius fell through the veil."  
  
"You would... You evil git."  
  
"Hello Snuffles is still here." Sirius said.  
  
"Whatever, get your arse through that veil."  
  
"Who are you talking to?"Asked Gary and Sirius at the same time.  
  
"Snuffles."  
  
"Well that really helps, seeing as there are two Snuffles."Gary muttered.  
  
Sirius butted in, "Snuffles one says 'Alan Rickman is an evil git.'"  
  
Gary laughed and added,"Snuffles two agrees with Snuffles one and would also like to add that Alan Rickman is a wannabe drama queen."  
  
"Alright you two stop quoting the books or I'll push you through there myself." 


	17. Why you should never spy on the Marauder...

Chapter 16  
  
Gary made a noise that could be growl or a purr, "I'd like to see you try. Look I've got to go and get ready. People to see, things to do.."   
  
"Shouldn't it be, things to see and people to do? Severus asked. "Okay I'll see you later."  
  
"You mean tomorrow, don't you? Or have you forgotten that we're filming the Shrieking Shack scene?" Gary asked. "You know, where David has to transform and then rip your clothes off."  
  
"Shit, how could I forget?" Severus said, "Okay, I'll see you 'tomorrow'. Bye." Severus hung up. He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "How did that guy become a famous actor?" a long silence greeted him at this question.  
  
Steven took advantage of the silence to add, "Perhaps it's the favours he gets, from his willing audience."  
  
What like you, you mean?" Severus asked, quirking an eyebrow in amusement.  
  
Steven grinned, "Why not? That guy has got a tight ass." That comment made Harry snort and Neville to look more confused.  
  
Harry leaned into Neville and whispered, "I'll explain later.."  
  
Steven opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the bell for lunch The students filed out. Remus looked at them and followed them Sirius following him. "Got to prepare for the darling students, have you?" Steven yelled after him, "Or are you going to be doing 'it' doggy style?" This comment made the students in the hall turn around and look at him in amazement, because to them, it looked like Severus had taken leave of his senses.  
  
Remus turned around and, surprising the students, yelled back. "I believe that's your job Steven."  
  
"I would but I don't go for four legged creatures. No matter how tight their ass.." Steven responded, "What do you two do in the Shrieking Shack anyway?"  
  
Alan came up behind Steven and muttered in his ear, "That question is best left unanswered." Louder, he added, "I ask myself the same question."  
  
"Ah now I understand, why you went to the Shrieking Shack in our sixth year." Steven asked, "So find out anything interesting?"  
  
Remus interrupted this conversation by marching up to Steven and Alan and stood in front of them, "Need I remind you, Steven, of your little jaunt in the Prefect's Bathroom in our seventh year, with Matty, Mary, Bella, Lucia and a few other students?"   
  
"How did you…?" Steven asked, his face pale.  
  
"You forget about the Marauder's Map and it's 'special feature'." Sirius added, coming up behind Remus. "It came with sound as well. There was a lot of screaming, shagging and other things going on." The students had paused and were listening to the conversation.  
  
"WHERE IS THAT BLOODY MAP? WHEN I GET HOLD OF IT, I'M GOING TO BURN IT!!!" Steven yelled.  
  
"And you said you were an avid reader of 'Harry Potter'," Shaun remarked, "Try reading the third book again."  
  
"Harry has it." Steven realised. He made to go to Harry, but was stopped by Shaun putting an arm on Steven's shoulder.  
  
"Leave it." Shaun commanded.  
  
Steven glared at Remus, who was unfazed by the angry dark haired man in front of him. "That's blackmail." Steven paused, then smiled, "But you forget that I also have my ways of knowing what goes on in Hogwarts. Especially what went on last night."   
  
Remus and Sirius looked at each other and paled, "No not that…"  
  
Steven smirked evily and said, "Well I can't help it if you two are so involved with Britney and Christina and doing a Madonna. He smirked as he remembered the events that happened the night before.  
  
++FB++  
  
In the Shrieking Shack's upstairs bedroom, Remus Lupin stood in front of Sirius, who was sitting on the bed, shaking his booty, to Britney Spears, but that wasn't the worst of it, he was wearing a long blonde wig, white blouse and a skirt. Sirius was just as bad, wearing black leather chaps, what looked like a bikini top and a long black wig. They both held a bottle of what looked like Fire whiskey, which also looked to be nearly empty. Two empty bottles stood by Remus' feet..  
  
*Oh my God. Hope they won't wear that tomorrow, that's really scary.*  
  
Sirius got up, put his arm around Remus as the song changed, Remus' hand brushed a stray lock of hair off Sirius' face and they started dancing very closely. They looked at each other and smiled.   
  
/Steven was looking on horrified, but unable to look away/  
  
Sirius sang the next song, while shaking his booty like he was Rod Stewart.  
  
"Hey, is this thing on? (uh uh)  
  
I saw him dancin there by the record machine  
  
I knew he must have been about 17  
  
The beat was going strong  
  
Playin my favorite song  
  
I could tell it wouldn't be long till he was with  
  
Me (yeah me)  
  
I could tell it wouldn't be long till he was with  
  
Me (yeah with me)  
  
(sing it)  
  
I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the  
  
Juke box baby  
  
I love rock and roll so come and take the time and  
  
Dance with me  
  
Ow!"   
  
*I like that song, why do you have to butcher it like that.*  
  
"He smiled so I got up and asked for his name  
  
But that don't matter he said, cuz it's all the same.  
  
He said, can I take you home?   
  
Where we can be alone  
  
And next we're moving on, and he was with me (yeah  
  
Me)  
  
We were moving on, and singing that same ol' song  
  
(yeah with me)  
  
(singing)  
  
I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the  
  
Juke box baby  
  
I love rock and roll, so come and take the time and  
  
Dance with me  
  
Ow!" Sirius was, now dancing, so close to Remus that they were almost sharing each other's underwear.  
  
"I love rock and roll, yea  
  
Cause it soothes my soul, yea  
  
I love rock and roll, yea ay yea  
  
He said, can I take you home? "  
  
Where we can be alone  
  
And next we're moving on, and he was with me (yeah  
  
Me)  
  
We were moving on, and singing that same ol' song  
  
(yeah with me)  
  
(singing)  
  
I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the  
  
Juke box baby  
  
I love rock and roll, so come and take the time and  
  
Dance with me  
  
Ow!  
  
(singing)  
  
I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the  
  
Juke box baby  
  
I love rock and roll, so come and take the time and  
  
Dance with me  
  
Ow!"  
  
/By this time Steven was getting excited and he couldn't hold it in any longer. As he came, he let out a howl that sounded like a werewolf in heat./  
  
Remus looked at Sirius, "What's next?" They were standing very close together.  
  
/Steven leaned nearer the mirror, eager to catch every word./  
  
"We do a Madonna.."  
  
"What like with….." Remus broke off as Sirius placed a hand over his mouth.  
  
"Yes but we need a song first.. To get in the mood"  
  
*Yeah right, if you're not horny already I'll eat Alan's script..*/Steven snorted/  
  
"What song?" Remus asked, paused to listen as the radio announcer announced the next song., "That's not fair.. I don't have any mints."  
  
"Just because this song was playing as your cousin was given a mint with no hands doesn't mean you have to."  
  
They looked at each other as the first bars of the song were playing, "Darling you gotta let me know  
  
Should I stay or should I go?   
  
If you say that you are mine  
  
I'll be here 'til the end of time  
  
So you got to let know  
  
Should I stay or should I go?   
  
Always tease tease tease  
  
Siempre - coqetiando y enganyando"  
  
Sirius and Remus were getting closer and closer to each other. Their lips were almost touching..  
  
*They're gonna kiss*  
  
"You're happy when I'm on my knees  
  
Me arrodilla y estas feliz  
  
One day is fine, next is black  
  
Un dias bien el otro negro  
  
So if you want me off your back  
  
Al rededar en tu espalda  
  
Well come on and let me know  
  
Me tienes que desir  
  
Should I stay or should I go?   
  
Me debo ir o que darme  
  
Should I stay or should I go now?   
  
Should I stay or should I go now?   
  
If I go there will be trouble  
  
An' if I stay it will be double  
  
So come on and let me know  
  
This indecision's bugging me  
  
Esta undecision me molesta  
  
If you don't want me, set me free  
  
Si no me quieres, librame  
  
Exactly who'm I'm supposed to be  
  
Diga me que tengo ser  
  
Don't you know which clothes even fit me?   
  
¡§saves que robas me querda?   
  
Come on and let me know  
  
Me tienes que desir  
  
Should I cool it or should I blow?   
  
¡§me debo ir o quedarme?   
  
Should I stay or should I go now?   
  
¡§yo me frio o lo sophlo?   
  
If I go there will be trouble  
  
Si me voi - va ver peligro  
  
And if I stay it will be double  
  
Si me quedo es doble  
  
So you gotta let me know  
  
Me tienes que decir  
  
Should I stay or should I go?   
  
¡§yo me frio o lo sophlo?"  
  
By the time the song was finished Sirius and Remus were kissing each other passionately.. They broke apart as a noise interrupted their 'snogfest'   
  
Remus looked at Sirius. "Um I guess we better get to bed."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"It never happened."  
  
"No one need know."  
  
They gave each other a small kiss and stumbled back to the castle, little knowing that there was a witness to their actions and was willing to exploit it. They parted and went to their separate beds dreaming of their escapades.  
  
*Ha, when I see them tomorrow, I'll let them know what I saw.* /Steven thought to himself, *this'll be fun.*/Tapping the mirror, he deactivated it and then he climbed into bed and fell asleep, dreaming of what he had witnessed and what he was going to do with the knowledge.  
  
++End FB++  
  
"You evil git!" Sirius yelled, while trying to launch himself at Steven. Remus had to hold Sirius back while Steven laughed.  
  
"Remus, you really must put him on a leash." Steven said, while trying not to laugh in their faces. "Actually I don't care who you tell about my escapade in the bathroom but how will all those students react when they hear about what Sirius Black and Remus Lupin do in the Shrieking Shack." He turned to the bemused students, muttered 'Sonarus' and said, his voice booming around the whole school because he had overdosed on the sonarus charm, "Everyone! I was shagging 6 girls in the prefects bathroom when I was 16 years old and I enjoyed it. I'm not afraid to admit it..."He looked at Alan, who was looking a bit mortified, the younger students looked confused and the older ones just smirked, "In fact," he added, "I enjoy all forms of shagging and I haven't had a shag in a week."  
  
Remus hid a smirk. "well that's nice to know, Steven."  
  
Sirius added, also with a smirk, while handing Steven a cup of coffee. "No wonder you're a bit grumpy.."  
  
Steven downed the drink then shuddered, "Did you put something in this drink?"  
  
"Hell no, that's how you have your coffee, white, no sugar right?"  
  
"No that's Shaun I have one sugar... but it's good."  
  
TBC 


	18. Singing, and a dream sequence? Things ar...

Chapter 18  
  
Shaun grabbed Alan's and Steven's arms and started dragging them to the Great Hall, Severus, Sirius and Remus and the students trailing behind.Steven was humming 'I love rock and roll' under his breath'  
  
Alan, Steven and Steven stopped suddenly and they both opened their mouths and started singing,"Here we are.born to be kings.We're the princes of the universe.Here we belong."While they were singing instuments had appeared out of nowhere. Sirius had one of the guitars, Shaun had the other guitar, Remus had the drum kit,which was bobbing in mid-air in front of him and they all had hands free microphones on their heads even Steven, Alan and Severus.They started walking up the stairs to the Great hall.Sirius was strumming experimently on the guitar and then he started playing it properly.Steven sung the next part on his own "fighting to survive.In a world with the darkest powers."Sirius was really playing the guitar now with an awsome guitar riff."And here we are.we're the princes of the universe.Here we belong.fighting for survival.  
  
We've come to be the rulers of your world."  
  
Severus was next,"I am immortal.i have inside me blood of kings.I have no rival.no man can be my equal.Take me to the future of your world."  
  
Steven was next, "Born to be kings.princes of the universe.  
  
Fighting and free.got your world in my hand.  
  
I'm here for your love and I'll make my stand.  
  
We were born to be princes of the universe."  
  
Alan was after him, "No man could understand.my power is in my own hand.Ooh.ooh.ooh.ooh.people talk about you.  
  
People say you've had your day.I'm a man that will go far.  
  
Fly the moon and reach for the stars.With my sword and head held high.Got to pass the test first time - yeah.I know that people talk about me I hear it every day.But I can prove you wrong cos I'm right first time.Yeah.yeah.alright.watch this man fly."Sirius cut in with a guitar riff."Bring on the girls."All of the affected sang the last part together.,"Here we are.born to be kings.we're the princes of  
  
The universe.here we belong.born to be kings.  
  
Princes of the universe.fighting and free.  
  
Got the world in my hands.I'm here for your love.  
  
And I'll make my stand.  
  
We were born to be princes of the universe."  
  
They were outside the Great Hall by this time. They opened the door and entered..  
  
In the Great Hall the students turned to see them enter.Sirius seemed to be trying not to dance but he failed and started dancing around. He opened his mouth and sung, the other singing in the background, all looking horrifed, "Day-o, day-o  
  
(Till I come and me wanna go home)  
  
Day is a day, is a day, is a day  
  
Is a day, is a day-o  
  
(Till I come and me wanna go home)  
  
Work all night, gonna drink our rum  
  
(Till I come and me wanna go home)  
  
Stack banana till the morning come  
  
(Till I come and me wanna go home)  
  
* Come mister tally man, tally me banana  
  
(Till I come and me wanna go home)  
  
Come mister tally man, tally me banana  
  
(Till I come and me wanna go home)  
  
* Day ia a day-o  
  
(Till I come and me wanna go home)  
  
Day is a day, is a day, is a day  
  
Is a day, is a day  
  
(Till I come and me wanna go home)  
  
A beautiful bunch, a ripe banana  
  
(Till I come and me wanna go home)  
  
I seek deadly lacked a launch-ra  
  
(Till I come and me wanna go home)  
  
(Repeat ** and *** then *)  
  
Day-o, day-o  
  
(Till I come and me wanna go home)  
  
Day is a day, is a day, is a day  
  
Is a day, is a day-o."  
  
As they stopped singing, the students broke out in applause. The muggleborns looked at their pureblood neighbours and mothed, 'Beetlejuice." The instuments disappeared. The afflicted sat down on the nearest chair.  
  
Steven sat down next to Hary and Ron on the Gryffindor table. "What was that?" Steven asked. Harry shrugged.Steven smiled evily, and leaned over to where Shaun was sitting and emptied a vial of some potion in Shaun's drink when Shaun wasn't watching. "I got some dream potion from Sirius,"Steven explained, watching Shaun take a drink out of it and nearly choke.A bubble pooped out of Shaun's head.  
  
**Shaun's Dream**  
  
(A roman gladiator arena, Shaun is sitting in the royal box as a roman emperor drinking pepsi from a box full of ice and   
  
cans of pepsi. Down below in the actual arena, Britney Spears, Beyonce Knowles and Pink march out wearing skinmpy gladiator   
  
costumes. Britney is carrying a sheild and sword, Beyonce is carrying a net and a trident and Pink is carrying a spear and   
  
shield. the stop in the middle of the arena, while the crowd are clapping and stamping their feet. They look at each other   
  
abnd throw their weapons down. Shaun leans forward in disbelief. The crowd boo.)  
  
Pink(shouts): We will we will rock you!  
  
(The crowds stamping gets even louder.The ice box by shaun vibrates. Beyonce, Britney and Pink start dancing.)  
  
Crowd, plus Pink Britney and Beyonce: We will we will rock you!(the ice box vibrates so much that it falls of it's perch   
  
into the arena) We will we will rock you!(Shaun stands up and a statue falls down and catapults Shaun up in the air, down   
  
into the arena) We will we will rock you!(the girls pick up the pepsi cans and drink it)  
  
**End Shauns Dream**   
  
TBC 


	19. It's Getting Interesting

OK guys, this is just an authors note to tell you that I won't be UPDATING as regularly on fanfiction.net until I have finished writing it so don't panic…I will post what I have written so far…  
  
Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Top marks to whoever spots the film being parodied in this part...Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. Warning: This part includes all sorts of things including leather, bondage and dream sequences but that's not all...  
  
Chapter 19  
  
The whole hall was quiet.. Shaun broke it first by saying, "So what? I drink a lot of Pepsi."  
  
"Only because of that advert.. We were staying with Alan not that long ago and when that came on, his eyes popped out of his head." Steven explained.  
  
"I wasn't the only one, who was……"Shaun started but was stopped when Steven's hand was placed over his mouth. Shaun shook Steven off and glared at his brother.  
  
Steven glared back at Shaun and refused to speak to him for the rest of the day. When Severus had wondered what was wrong with Steven, Shaun had replied, "He hasn't had a shag in a week, that's why he's grumpy."  
  
Ginny had muttered under her breath, so that Severus and Hermione heard her, "Hey I'd shag him, it's not if Sirius ever noticed me."  
  
Severus and Hermione turned to Ginny in shock, "Ginny! I agree though.." Hermione spluttered.  
  
Severus said nothing but his raised eyebrow conveyed a million words.  
  
Later, when it was time to go to bed, Hermione put on her best and sexiest nightie, "Wouldn't it be great if Severus saw me in this?" She muttered to herself, she shook her head, "Never going to happen." She told herself, as she climbed into bed and pulled the sheets over her. She reached over to turn out her light and she soon fell into a intense dream..  
  
**Hermione's dream**  
  
(Hermione is standing in the Great Hall, everyone around her is busily eating and talking. Suddenly the whole hall goes quiet and they all looked towards the door. The doors burst open and Lucius, Alan, Remus and Sirius march in wearing black leather catsuits and dog collars and black eyeliner. In essence, very sexy indeed. Lucius was carrying his pimpstick (A/N: It's all Bella's fault as it is with the phrase 'Mancandy Tramp'), Remus was carrying a leash, Alan, a pair of handcuffs and Sirius was holding a spanking paddle.)  
  
Harry (sighs): Wow. Wish I was that cool.  
  
Ginny (eyeing up Sirius and Lucius): Ooh Snuffles…(Re: Lucius) Who cares if he's evil? I want him now!!!  
  
(The BDSM rejects part to reveal Severus, wearing the same outfit but he carried a whip. He stood in front of Hermione and smiled. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into a steamy tango. Out of the corner of her eye she can see the others doing the same with a few of the other girls, Sirius with Ginny, Lucius with Bella, a very outspoken Slytherin, Remus was with his girlfriend, Jade and Alan was with Lucia, another Slytherin)  
  
Hermione (As he dips her): Oh Severus.  
  
Severus: Shush my dear (wrapping his whip around her waist and pulling her to him) The best bit isn't over yet. (he dips her again) So what do you think?  
  
Hermione: Wow. You smell nice.  
  
Severus: Lets see what the others are doing, shall we?  
  
((Hermione turned her head to see what the others are up to. Sirius has torn Ginny's clothes off and had pinned her to the Gryffindor table and was using the spanking paddle on her, the whole hall was cheering him on, Remus was with his girlfriend in a quiet corner smooching , Alan was pinned to the wall by Lucia, and Marta, another Slytherin, was trying to handcuff him to the manacles that were on the wall, and both girls were also tearing his clothes off with their teeth, and Lucius, well, he had no clothes on, except for his collar and was being smacked by his pimp cane, whilst lying spread eagle on the Slytherin table, by Bella.)  
  
Bella (Between hits): Who's a naughty boy then? Who's a naughty boy then? Who's a naughty boy then?  
  
Lucius: I am, I am. I am. I'm the naughty boy.   
  
(Hermione looked back to Severus, who looked her in the eye then backed off)  
  
Severus: Well, what say you about joining the debauchery that's going on around here? (Hermione gulps and nodded and Severus smiles) I thought so, you saucy minx. (his hand goes for the zip that's in the front of his catsuit and pulls down, slowly.)  
  
Hermione: Get it off!  
  
Severus (Still pulling slowly): My goodness, you are eager to get into my underwear. (His hand pauses and Hermione moans) What? (sighs) Tell you what, I'm sick of teasing.. I'll get it off quicker (his hands pulls the catsuit down faster, exposing his toned chest, out comes one arm, then the other.. He's about to pull the catsuit down past his waist when……  
  
**End Hermione's Dream**  
  
Hermione started awake to find Max sniffing her ear. She pushed him off the bed and sighed out loud ."Why did you wake me? It was getting interesting."  
  
"Indeed, it was a very interesting dream." A male voice said, making Hermione jump. The owner of the voice, walked out of the shadows and she saw it was Severus. She could tell by the hair. "Professor, what are you doing here? Or should I call you Alan?"  
  
"I came to spy on you." Severus said, as he sat on her bed. He reached over and stroked her hair. "Now I know how you feel…"  
  
Hermione was practically purring, "Please Professor…"Hermione began.  
  
Severus leaned towards her, "Do you want me to stop? Do you want chains?" he whispered in her ear. He gently started nibbling her neck, Hermione had to bite her bottom lip to stop herself crying out. Severus smirked. "I want you… wrapped up in silk and begging for mercy," He rasped in her ear making her moan with pleasure. Severus started kissing her, but before it could get heated, a voice rang out. "Hermione, what's all that noise? Who have you got in bed with you?" Hermione recognised the voice as belonging to her dorm mate Lavender.  
  
Hermione pulled away from Severus and said, "Oh it's only Max."  
  
"It sounded like Professor Snape." Lavender answered back.  
  
Parvati cut in with, "Or one of his sexy brothers…"  
  
Hermione chanced a look at Severus, who was trying not to laugh, "no it's just Max, you know how he loves his tricks.."  
  
"Max, keep it down.. We're trying to get our beauty sleep." Lavender and Parvati ordered.  
  
Max muttered so that only Hermione and Severus could hear him. "Well you'd need a whole lot of sleep then.." Severus started to snigger, quietly. Max jumped down and grabbed Severus' pyjama bottoms, in his teeth and pulled hard, causing Severus to fall of the bed and hit the floor with a loud thump, "Ow," Groaned Severus, and Max had pulled Severus' pyjama bottoms off completely and had run out the room with them.  
  
Severus picked himself off the floor and sat back down on Hermione's bed. Hermione could help but notice his pale legs. They were skinny but muscular and well defined. Hairy but not too hairy. Severus brought his knee up so Hermione got a full view of what he's been hiding under his robes. Severus muttered something rude about Max and then shivered, "God it's cold in here." He then looked at Hermione and then at the bed and then clambered under the covers next to her. He sighed, "That's better. I feel warmer now." He looked at Hermione and leaned in and kissed her passionately. Hermione felt like she was walking on air and on fire at the same time.  
  
TBC 


	20. Woah, is there a werewolf in the house?

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. No smut in this part. Hints perhaps but nothing explicit. I kinda ran out of smutty ideas..  
  
Chapter 20  
  
Severus' hand's began to stroke Hermione's breasts from outside the nightie, lightly rubbing against the fabric with the palm of his hand as their lips met once again. Their tongues dancing against each other, sensuously sliding up against each other, dancing, teasing, skimming. Severus gently pulled her nightie over her head, exposing her bare breasts underneath, her dark nipples already erect and hardened. Severus began to lick at Hermione's breast, his tongue gliding effortlessly against her satin skin, inhaling her intoxicating aroma. Hermione reached up to remove Severus' shirt as his hands began to glide up and down her back causing a chill, that had nothing to do with the heat, Hermione moaned quietly. Severus stopped suddenly and he looked at Hermione. Grabbing her wand from the bedside table, he muttered a quick silencing spell. "Now you can scream all you want and no one will hear you." He explained. "Now where were we?" Kissing her deeply, Hermione returned the kiss with passion, her hands already moving to Severus' crotch, Severus caught her hands just before she was about to touch him. Looking at her he could see the hunger in her eyes. "Not yet" he replied with a grin.  
  
Hermione screwed up her nose at him in distaste but grinned nonetheless. His erection stood out, looking long, dark and hard She looked down at it with hunger, wanting nothing more than to reach out and stroke it, to tease him as he had her. But she knew that she must be patient. She felt his tongue on her neck as she closed her eyes, her heart beating faster as his tongue left tremors of pleasure travel up down her body. Severus could hear Hermione's breathing become course as he made his way down, following the trail as he went. Severus she chanted softly as Severus made his way across her breasts, sucking lavishly at her erect nipples. Hermione moaned louder as Severus took her nipple in his mouth sucking greedily, arching her body forward as much as her restraints would allow her too her mouth parted as her tongue lolled lazily within as she moved her head from side to side, Severus she whispered but a breath. Smiling Severus skipped past her navel down to her crotch where he lightly began to brush her thigh with the tip of his tongue. Hermione moaned loudly, crossing her legs at the back of his head as he continued to tease her as she bucked her hips towards his face, wanting nothing more than to feel him deep inside her. Severus continued to tease her, his tongue flicking close to her lips only to skip across to the other thigh then back down and back up her navel.   
  
"Severus I want you. Please." Hermione begged.  
  
Severus brushed his face lightly across Hermione's privates as he enjoyed hearing her succumb to his lightest touch. Severus. She chanted softly. Severus began to softly lick her, enjoying the feeling of her rough hair against his velvet soft tongue as he spread apart her lips her fluids trickling out upon his tongue as he luxuriated in the taste of her sex. Hermione cried out in ecstasy as she felt his tongue inside her, gyrating against her core.  
  
"Severus. Yes. That's it."   
  
Severus' forefinger found Hermione's clitoris as he rubbed against it roughly. This caused Hermione to buck in pleasure as her moans overtook her, her legs tightening around Severus' head as he felt her orgasm amongst moans of pleasure. Severus waited until her pleasure subsided before crawling back up the bed . He kissed her roughly. "I Thought it would be mean of me to tease you any more." He explained as he placed himself between her long legs, the tip of his penis grazed Hermione's entrance. "Do you want to be well and truly fucked?" he asked, giving her a chance to back out. Hermione nodded and snarled, her voice thick with pleasure, "Yes damn it. Now!"  
  
Severus sighed, "Okay, you asked for it." He replied before entering her roughly. Hermione cried out as she felt her hymen break. Severus stopped and looked at her, waiting for her to adjust to his size, "Sorry." He said, stroking her hair and moving in and out of her gently. Hermione's legs wrapped themselves around Severus' waist giving him deeper penetration. Severus kissed her on the lips gently, his thrusting speeding up, Hemione groaning in pleasure as her orgasm was nearing, "Faster! Harder! Ohhhhhhh God!" She cried, nearly reaching her peak. Steven thrust even harder, his hair flopping in her face and tickling her nose. She cried out when her orgasm hit her and she felt Severus fill her with his come as he came, letting off a loud howl which made her grateful for the silencing charm, 'He sounds like a werewolf in heat.' She thought to herself and giggled for thinking of Remus while in bed with him.   
  
Severus looked at her, "What's so funny?" He asked her as he rolled off her. She moaned as the heat of his body left her.  
  
Hermione giggled and was about to answer when she heard footsteps outside. 


	21. You bad boy Steven!

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. No smut in this part. Hints perhaps but nothing explicit. I kinda ran out of smutty ideas..  
  
Chapter 21  
  
The footsteps stopped outside Hermione's bed and the curtain flew open, revealing Ginny in a cute blue teddy bear suit, "Hermione, can I borrow….?" Ginny broke off as she took in the scene in front of her. Severus grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the bed and pulled the curtain shut. He threw her on the bed next to Hermione. "Professor…"Ginny began but was silenced by a kiss from Severus. When he let her go she gasped for air and smiled, "Wow!!! Wish Sirius would kiss me like that." Severus just smirked and said, "I'm a much better kisser than Sirius. Now let's not talk about him. I need a shag and as you two have fallen into my lap, let's get ready to rumble." He pushed her on the bed and she melted under his ministrations..  
  
Later, Ginny and Hermione walked into the Great Hall for breakfast, with big smiles on their faces and walking a bit bowlegged. Max had come back and had run off with Severus' pyjama top, so Severus had to borrow a baby blue dressing gown of Hermione's. The students that were up were surprised to see Severus in the Gryffindor tower, much less wearing a baby blue dressing gown. They sat down next to Steven, who had a massive love bite on his neck, and said good morning to him, to which he had responded to quite cheerfully. Shaun, who was sitting opposite him dropped his fork in surprise. "God Steven, you're awfully happy this morning." Shaun said. "Did you finally get shagged then? No wait don't answer that, of course you did. Who?" He looked at Ginny and Hermione, took in their mussed hair and the way they gingerly sat down, and put two and two together, "You didn't?" He groaned as Steven nodded. Hermione looked at Steven and understood, "You sod! You pretended to be Professor Snape…"She hissed to Steven, who looked taken aback.  
  
"I didn't pretend anything, Hermione, you just assumed I was him." Steven hissed back to Hermione, who nodded as she realised he was right. Hermione suddenly giggled again as she recalled something, she whispered something in Ginny's ear, who looked stunned and then giggled as well. "What? What is so funny?" Steven asked.   
  
"I don't like the sound of that giggle ."Shaun commented, his fork halfway to his mouth.  
  
"Me neither. Hermione giggled after we…"Steven began, casting a wary eye at the students around him but they took no notice of him or the conversation. "and when I asked her what was so funny, she never did tell me. You ever had that problem Shaun?"  
  
"No and good job too. I tend to get a bit paranoid…" Shaun began. "so are you going to tell us or am I going to have to shag you to get it out of you?"  
  
Ginny smirked and said, with an evil grin, "Maybe.."  
  
"You saucy minx." Steven accused, "By the way, Shaun, Hermione had a very interesting dream, involving leather catsuits, Remus, a few girls, Sirius, Lucius Malfoy, Alan, Harry, chips, dips, chains and whips."  
  
"THERE WERE NO CHIPS OR DIPS INVOLVED!!!" Hermione yelled, making everyone turning around and stare at her. They looked at her for a few minutes and then went back to their conversations.  
  
"Okay, no need to get your panties in a bunch. I notice that you don't deny the other things though." Shaun said, wiggling his finger in his ear.  
  
"It also involved a spanking paddle wielded by Bella over there," Steven said, indicating a tall red headed Slytherin, who was sitting next to Jade, a purple haired Slytherin, "and Jade..." he broke off when Hermione had hit him on the arm. "God, you have a hard punch." He smirked, and added, "Although if you want to get me in leather all you have to do is ask."  
  
"Yeah, we'll only be too happy to get in leather." Shaun added, "Although Sevvie and Alan don't go anywhere near those types of clothes."  
  
"Shaun likes to play at being a master. He's a domination king. He actually owns all that stuff in your dream." Steven explained. He turned to Shaun, "Did you bring them with you?"  
  
"Yes but you can't borrow them. Can you imagine Albus' face if I brought them out and started using it on the students?"  
  
"I know Severus would get a kick out it if you used it on Harry." Steven said. "I think Harry would get a kick out of it." he added, with an evil smirk.  
  
"Ew, get your mind out of the gutter." Shaun replied. "I wouldn't do that to Harry. I'm not as kinky as you."  
  
"Excuse me, you not kinky? Why are you known as Master Kinkfest then?"  
  
TBC 


	22. Okaaay,I knew I shouldn't've let you nea...

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks.   
  
Chapter 22  
  
Shaun glared at his brother and hissed, "You weren't supposed to tell everyone."  
  
Steven smirked and muttered something under his breath. Shaun glared at him and said, "Say that again, this time so I can hear you."  
  
"I said, that,"Steven sang loudly,making everyone drop their forks, "I'm so darn glad he let me try it again, 'cause my last time on earth I lived a whole world of sin. I'm so glad that I know more than I knew then. Gonna keep on tryin' till I reach the highest ground."  
  
"Okaaaaay, I never should've let you near the stereo..."  
  
Steven switched songs, "I don't ever want to feel Like I did that day Take me to the place I love Take me all the way."  
  
"...Or near my Red Hot Chilli Peppers album..."  
  
"You like them?" Dean broke in, Shaun nodded,"They're so cool."  
  
"What I've got you've got to give it to your mamma What I've got you've got to give it to your pappa What I've got you've got to give it to your daughter You do a little dance and then you drink a little water  
  
What I've got you've got to get it put it in you What I've got you've got to get it put it in you What I've got you've got to get it put it in you Reeling with the feeling don't stop continue." Steven sang, ignoring the glare from Shaun.  
  
"Do you have to be so bloody cheerful in the morning?" Shaun ground out between gritted teeth.   
  
Steven ignored him and started talking non stop to Hermione, Harry and Ron about Quidditch and other stuff. He shut up when he saw Severus and Alan walk in, looking a bit worse for wear. They stopped by the Gryffindor table, Steven looked up, smiled and said, in the most cheerful voice he could manage, "Good morning."  
  
Severus and Alan eyed him suspiciously. Alan spoke first, "And what are you so cheerful about?"  
  
Severus spoke next, "Hmm you're never cheerful in the morning unless......" He broke off as realiziation hit him. "You didn't?" Steven nodded, "Who?"  
  
TBC   
  
(A/N: I wrote this chapter while suffering from a severe lack of coffee so excuse any spelling mistakes...) 


	23. Steven's secret revealed well kind of

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. This chapter a bit of Steven's past is revealed..  
  
Chapter 23  
  
"No one," Steven replied, looking shifty.  
  
"Humph, last time you said that, it turned out you had been shagging…um someone's mum and she ended up having to go away for a bit…" Severus replied, shooting an unreadable look at the golden trio. "What ever happened to that baby?"  
  
"She had to give it away for adoption because she didn't want her husband finding out about it." Steven replied sadly, "Last I heard, it was with a lovely Wizarding family. Why? You come to rub my face in it?."  
  
"She was married to someone else at the time. Even I wouldn't do that." Shaun said, ignoring the curious looks from the golden trio, He did a bit of mental calculations, "That means, your sprog is about Harry's age, it's not Harry is it?"  
  
"No!" Steven replied.  
  
"Of course it's not Harry, Stupid me…"Shaun replied, "Lily wouldn't do that.."  
  
"So who was it? I mean who made you happy today?" Alan asked, his brothers gave him a surprised look, Alan raised an eyebrow, "What? I can't enquire about my brother's love life. Oh and Steven, your last girlfriend left her vibrator in my room. What you two were doing in *my* room, I dread to think, could you give it back to her?"  
  
"I'm not your bloody servant." Steven replied, "Besides she's not talking to me."  
  
"I wonder why." Alan muttered, sardonically.  
  
"Maybe because he shags them and then dumps them…" Severus said, "And is an almighty git."  
  
"Shut up." Steven snarled, "She was a mistake but I didn't dump H…."He broke off as he realised what he was going to admit.  
  
"Didn't dump who?" Severus asked, helping himself to coffee and also handing a mug to Alan, who growled his thanks..  
  
TBC 


	24. Oops

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. This chapter a bit of the brothers' past is revealed.. Ooh one of the secrets is revealed, not Steven's though.. It's very short…  
  
Chapter 17  
  
"Come on tell us." Severus cajoled.   
  
"No you'll only laugh…"Steven protested.  
  
"It was a student wasn't it?" Alan asked.  
  
"I'm not telling…"  
  
"I know who it was." Shaun stated smugly, "I'll tell you for a price of course…"  
  
Alan opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a howler landing on his plate, squashing his sausages and his egg. He reached for it with trembling hands and opened it, "ALAN RICKMAN OR SHOULD I SAY SNAPE? " The howler screamed in a female voice, "YOU TELL YOUR BROTHER TO STOP PICKING ON HARRY OR ELSE I WILL COME UP THERE AND SHOVE BOTH YOUR'S AND HIS BALLS IN A DRAWER AND SLAM IT SHUT!!" Alan winced as he remembered another time, he had that done to him. "I DID IT TO YOU ONCE AND I WILL DO IT AGAIN!!! NEED I REMIND YOU THAT YOU HAD A SON AND I HAD GIVE HIM AWAY TO THE POTTERS BECAUSE I WAS ONLY 15 AT THE TIME? YES THAT'S RIGHT ALAN, HARRY IS YOUR GRANDSON!!!" The howler burst into flames and there was a collective silence, in the hall, which was only broken by Harry whispering, "Alan Rickman is my Granddad." and fainting, Alan followed him by sinking down to the ground in shock.  
  
TBC 


	25. Control your mental images Sevvie

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. It's very short…  
  
Chapter 18  
  
"My Grandson?" Severus choked out, "God I feel old..."  
  
Alan was very pale, "Wait an minute that means Potter is my...I'm his..." Alan broke off as he searched for words. Behind him Harry stirred and sat up but the adults just ignored him. Hermione was sitting beside Harry holding his hand and Ron and her were helping him to stand and sit on the bench.  
  
"Great Uncle Sevvie,"Steven chirped happily,ignoring the glare from Alan.."It seems I'm not the only one with a dark past in this family. Tell me Sevvie, have you any sprogs that we don't know about?"  
  
"Oh yeah, I shagged Lily Potter and I had 15 children with her.."Alan replied sarcastically, ignoring Harry, who had gone very pale, which Shaun had noticed.  
  
"Severus, don't joke about things like that. I mean do you want Hermione to smack you over the head with her copy of Hogwarts: A History? Because you caused Harry Potter to faint yet again..."  
  
Alan, by this time had got a mental image of Hermione chasing him around the Hall, waving Hogwarts: A History threatenly, wearing for some strange reason curlers in her hair and a frilly pink apron, and he couldn't help it, he burst out laughing, startling everyone, and causing Steven to mutter, "He's cracked." then as the image hit him through the mental link(A/N: Did you really think I'd forgotten about that small detail?), started laughing, "Oh. My. God! Severus. You've. Really. Outdone. Yourself. This. Time " He said between laughs. Beside him, Shaun had also gotten the image and was also laughing. Everyone else was looking at the trio in bewilderment. Harry, who was still looking very pale, said to Hermione, "You think we should call someone?"  
  
TBC  
  
(A/N: Don't think I've forgotten Severus' reaction to the news coz that will be coming in the next part). 


	26. I think it's time we had the talk about ...

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. It's very short…  
  
Chapter 19  
  
Alan stopped laughing first, the others stopped soon after, and rounded on Severus, "God Alan, how did that happen?"  
  
"Severus, I think it's time we had the talk about the birds and the bees..." Severus muttered.  
  
"I didn't mean that, I meant... I don't know what I meant..."  
  
"I think I got what you meant, I think you want to know how Alan got himself into this mess in the first place but, correct me if I'm wrong, the didn't have contraceptives in the Dark Ages.." Steven intejected.  
  
"Shut up, Steven, or I swear I will feed you to Remus, when he's in wolf form..." Severus growled, "You know as well as I do that I'm only 15 years older than you..."  
  
"That means you were only 15 when you conceived James Potter, so you weren't only irresponsible, you were illegal..." Steven said, looking happy, "Ooh Alan, you will have to be punished, maybe Hermione would do the honours..." Steven looked at Hermione, who blushed, "I will also choose to ignore the threat of the Lupin Chew toy idea because he'll never speak to you again if you did that."  
  
"Works for me..." Alan said, "So when's the next full moon?"  
  
"Tonight."  
  
"Good, we'll tie him to the door and maybe he'll hump his leg before he has a snack on him..." Shaun muttered. Harry, Ron, Hermione and a few Gryffindors within earshot looked green.  
  
"Now who's wanting to make the wonder boy faint?" Alan said, raising an eyebrow. "Just because I'm his great Uncle doesn't mean I'm going to treat him any differently."  
  
"You're handling this well, Severus."  
  
"On the outside, yes, on the inside, I want to scream and tear my hair out." Alan admitted. He turned to Harry, "I'm warning you Potter, call me Great Uncle Sevvie, even once and I will curse you in to the middle of next week, got that?"  
  
TBC 


	27. Steven is a ceritfied pervert

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. It's very short…  
  
Chapter 20  
  
Harry nodded his head so fast that it looked like his head might fall off any second.  
  
"How did Steven end up in this mess?", Severus asked.   
  
"Well you see I was drunk..."Steven began, looking very embarrased.  
  
"You got drunk?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow..  
  
"If I had drunk any more, I would have been dancing around with my underwear on my head, wearing a pair of lime green tights singing the Barney song…." Steven replied..  
  
"Thank you for sending me to that scary visual place.."   
  
"No problem, that's what I'm here for.."  
  
"Guys, as might as I hate to interrupt your scary places, but we have a lot to discuss…" Shaun cut in, "Like trying to find out who the heir is.."  
  
"The heir of what? Bad jokes? Heir of Remus Lupin's chew toy assembly line?" Steven asked.  
  
"No you bloody moron, your heir.."  
  
"I think we should punish Steven for getting into this mess in the first place, Shaun can I borrow your whip?" Severus asked, turning to Shaun.  
  
"What am I, the sex supply store? Buy your own damn whip!" Shaun replied, looking very vexed.  
  
"Yeah, you can flog me right here on the table, me wearing nothing but a big red bow.." Steven said, looking very excited at the prospect.  
  
"I always thought you were a pervert and now you proved it." Alan muttered. The other three gave him strange looks. "Now come on...We don't want to give all those underage students a kinkfest do we? I mean they'd be scarred for life." Alan clarified.  
  
"You can let Hermione do the honours, after all she...." Steven broke off.  
  
"She what?" Alan said, looking annoyed. "Come on what did you do?"  
  
TBC  
  
(A/N: Wow more than one chapter in one day...I'm so proud of me. BTW Thanks to Bella for supplying the sex supply shop line.) 


	28. How do you feel about a Steven flavoured...

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. It's very short…  
  
Chapter 21  
  
Steven stood up suddenly, knocking his coffee into Harry's cornflakes, "Would you look at the time? I've just remembered I've got to be somewhere.."  
  
"Where are you going?" Shaun asked but Steven just ignored him and ran out of the hall, knocking Remus and Sirius over as they were just entering the hall. Everyone heard his yells to them, "Sorry, I know Remus being a werewolf loves to be on top so I'm afraid you're going to........" Sirius and Remus scrambled up and shot daggers down the hall that Steven had run down.Remus muttered something to Sirius who took an opportunity to add a parting shot of his own.  
  
"STEVEN ALEXANDER GRAHAM SNAPE, GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE NOW OR I WILL GIVE YOU BAT BOGEYS!!!!" Sirius yelled at Steven retreating back, but unfortunatly Steven was too far away to hear. The whole hall burst out laughing.  
  
"How did you find out his full name?" Severus asked, as Sirius came and plonked himself down next to Harry, "How did you know it was Steven?"  
  
"Well he told us..Remus told me... He says only Steven smells that much of sex and sweat, guess that's coz he's the only one that gets laid frequently.." He said, ignoring three identical glares.  
  
Alan turned to his brothers and asked,"You get the feeling he's hiding something from us?"  
  
Severus replied, "Yes and it has something to do with Hermione..."He turned to Hermione, "Well? Would you care to enlighten us?" The whole table turned to look at Hermione, who shook her head, while looking down at the table. "Hermione?" he said quietly.  
  
"Careful Hermione, Alan bites." Shaun said.  
  
"I thought that was Remus." Severus asked.  
  
"Mmmm!" Shaun pondered, He yelled at Remus, who was just coming over, "Oi Remus, how do you feel about a Steven flavoured chew toy?"  
  
"Steven flavoured chew toy?" Remus asked, looking bewildered, "Now guys, this isn't some perverted sex scam you've cooked up is it? Because guys, I really don't swing that way."  
  
"Us? Perverts? What ever gave you that idea?" Shaun said, looking innocent.  
  
"Maybe it's the fact that you own more BDSM stuff than some of the sex shops in the Netherlands, OR maybe it's the fact that you are know as Master Kinkfest to all your willing clients.." Remus replied.  
  
Hermione muttered something to Ginny that sounded, to Remus' sensitive ears, like, "Oooh wonder if Steven will wear that next time.." Remus stared at her in shock but decided against commenting on it.  
  
Ginny giggled and replied, "Yeah and maybe he'd wear the leather pants too..." A bit too loudly because everyone within earshot stared at Ginny in shock. Ginny looked horrified, and put her hands over her face, "I said that out loud didn't I?"  
  
TBC 


	29. A chat about fanfiction

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. It's very short…  
  
Chapter 22  
  
Severus found his voice first, "What was that Ginny? Who would wear the Leather pants too?"  
  
Ginny blushed, "Um no one, I was just fantasizing out loud..."  
  
Sirius smirked, "So who were you 'fantasizing' about then, Ginny?"  
  
Alan looked at Sirius and said, "I think the answer is pretty obvious... It's you Black.. remember the dream she had?"  
  
"Oh yeah, The ice cream, the food fight and...... Draco? Now that's a scary fantasy.."Shaun and Severus looked puzzled, so Sirius waved his hand and said, "I'll explain later.."  
  
Remus entered the conversation, "From what I hear, it seems that young Ginny has quite a food fetish...AND a fasination for tall dark haired men, who's name begins with 'S'."  
  
Ginny leaned into Hermione and muttered, "I love Professor Snape coz he grabbed the wrong end of the stick and covered for us..."Hermione gave Ginny a look, "Well love in the sense that he covered for us without realizing way."  
  
Remus, of course, could hear this but wisely chose not to say anything, 'What Ginny and Hermione are hiding, is really none of my business.' Remus thought to himself. 'However I'm curious to know what...'   
  
Remus tuned his hearing back into what the others were saying to hear Shaun say, "I say, we follow him and we get pictures..."  
  
"You really are a pervert, you know that, don't you?" Sirius said. "Ok I'm in..."  
  
"As opposed to being 'out'." Shaun added slyly.  
  
"Shut up Shaun, I honestly don't care how many slash fics there are on the net about Remus and me but I'm into the females..."  
  
"It's just not Remus you are paired off with, It's Severus, Lucius, Harry, James Potter, Ron, the twins.... You name it, you're paired off with..."  
  
"Ew ew ew..Harry's like a son to me, James is like a brother.The others well they're just too young for me..."  
  
"That's not all, Severus, here, is unhappy because he's paired off with the same people. CoughcoughBellaAjayJadeRiyoandLuciacoughcough."Shaun added, "I prefer het myself in which Severus gets paired off with Hermione or Ginny.."Ginny and Hermione started choking on their muffins. Shaun looked at them in concern, "Are you girls alright? Do you want me to give you CPR? Mouth to mouth?"  
  
TBC 


	30. Steven gets it

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. It's very short… Ok I will leap forward a bit at the end don't panic..  
  
Chapter 23  
  
"No we're alright."Hermione and Ginny said at the same time.  
  
"Just something got stuck in our throat.." Ginny added.  
  
Shaun, Alan and Severus raised an eyebrow and Shaun looked like he was going to add something but they were interrupted by the bell, signaling the first lesson.  
  
The day went pretty quickly, considering that they hadn't seen Steven all day but he turned up for dinner, wearing tight black trousers and a very tight T-Shirt and covered in dirt. When asked he just shrugged the questions off and totally ignored all attempts to talk to him. Ron after being told by Steven to 'Mind his own goddamn business.' said to Harry, that Steven was being, 'Very Snapelike and grumpy.'   
  
Alan had also disappeared saying he had a previous engagement, meaning that Severus had to take over his lessons, which went well because Severus made them read out of a text book and copy down notes.  
  
After dinner, Steven was walking back from the Forbidden Forest after looking for a special kind of mushroom which only grew under the full moon for a special potion that his brother was brewing, he was trying to find a cure for the bodyswitching potion that Steven, Shaun and Neville had inadvertently brewed and had exploded over Alan and Severus. He had found a whole crop and had picked six of them and they were then going to be stewed and then added to the potion. He reached the front doors of the castle and had opened them, when a dark shape leapt out at him and fastened it's jaws, that were home to the sharpest and longest canines that Steven had ever tangled with, around Steven's left forarm and bit down hard, drawing blood. Steven yelled in pain and kicked out at it but the creature rubbed it's body against Steven's leg until Steven caught it in the stomach and it let go with a yelp of pain and ran back into the forest. Steven stood up shakily and stumbled into the hall and collasped into a heap, until he was found by Filch, who ran and fetched help.  
  
Madam Pomfrey was not happy at being woken up at that time in the morning but she was all business, once she heard that someone was injured and needed her help. When she reached Steven, she conjured up a stretcher and checked his pulse, which was irregular and his breathing was shallow.  
  
TBC 


	31. Severus will brew some anti viagra for y...

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. It's very short…   
  
Chapter 24  
  
Steven opened his eyes and realized two things, One, he was in the hospital wing, Two, His chest was bare and he had a bandage around his forearm, which was covered in blood. He sat up drawing the attention of Madam Pomfrey, who was lurking nearby, and she bustled over, "Good you're awake." She told him, "Do you remember what happened last night?"  
  
"I was attacked and bitten." Steven recalled, "It was a....." He broke off as he realized something. Anger welled up in him like he had never known before, "Bloody werewolf."  
  
Steven struggled to get up but Pomfrey pushed him down. "Now lie down, you suffered a huge loss of blood." She scolded him. "I thought it might be something like that."She sighed.  
  
"Bloody werewolf is probably rolling around in my blood by now. You mean I'm a werewolf now?" Pomfrey nodded, "Well apart from the obvious, what else can I expect?"  
  
"Premature greying, heightened sex drive...Although in your case that would be dangerous.."  
  
"Now what are you saying? I'm going to want to jump on all the female students?"  
  
Before Pomfrey could answer, a new voice spoke from the doorway of the Hospital. "Yes, I'll get Severus to make up a potion so you don't shag yourself to death."  
  
"Alan!" Pomfrey said, looking shocked.  
  
"Don't look so shocked Poppy, you know what he was like at school and now he's going to be even worse." Alan replied, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Hey injured person here." Steven said.  
  
"He needs anti viagra." Severus said to Pomfrey, "It'll stop him getting the urges."  
  
"I heard that... Oh god I'm so horny I could shag ten school girls now." Steven said, groaning.  
  
"Leave Miss Granger out of it.... Go shag Minerva." Severus ordered.  
  
"Eeewww." Steven said, looking disgusted. "I just realized I said nothing about Hermione...You were the one that did."  
  
"Oh crap." Severus muttered, as he realized that Steven was right.  
  
"Now now boys, no fighting in the hospital wing... I'm going to give you a dreamless sleep potion, then I'll see Severus about making some more wolfsbane potion."  
  
"Wait, the wolf it didn't just bite me it also tried to..." Steven broke off looking very sick.  
  
"Yes?" Pomfrey asked, "It tried to do what?"  
  
"Oh do tell, I for one am interested to know what else a werewolf could do apart from eat you.." Severus said, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Steven looked the sheets and mumbled something. "We can't hear you.." Pomfrey said.  
  
Steven raised his head, looked Severus in the eye and said, in a determined voice....  
  
TBC 


	32. Not if you're a porn star

Title: Snape's Three Brothers   
  
Author: Max   
  
E-mail: jadekirk007@y...   
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side Although I might have to change it up to an NC17 fic)  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??   
  
Archive: Yes, please   
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there without cursing them off the face of the Earth especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an AU because I haven't killed off Sirius and he's been found innocent. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. Beware though I like to pick on random actors so don't be surprised. I also pick on other people so be afraid. OK Severus and Alan have switched bodies so when I refer to them I'm referring to how the others see them. When I refer to Alan I'm really referring to Severus in Alan's body and vice versa...++FB++ are flashbacks. It's very short…   
  
Chapter 25  
  
Steven looked Severus in the eye and said, loudly "THE BLOODY WEREWOLF TRIED TO MATE WITH MY LEG!!"  
  
Severus couldn't hold it in much longer, he started to laugh, "Well it obviously didn't know the birds and the bees because there's no hole there to stick it in.."  
  
"Oh yes, I see where..." Pomfrey said, holding up Steven's trousers to the light. Steven made a half hearted grab for them and hissed, "Put them down, if anyone sees the state they are in, they'll think I've had a sly.....fiddle under Pomfrey's sheets..."  
  
"Only you could mangle that sentance into something smutty," Severus stated, "Anyway wouldn't you prefer them to think that, other than you almost ended up Remus' love slave... well while he was in wolf form anyway.."  
  
"What about the potion? I mean, isn't he supposed to be harmless?"  
  
"Maybe he didn't take it. Maybe that wasn't Remus. If it was Remus, maybe he secretly wanted you to be his eternal mate..." Severus said, happily, ignoring the glare Steven sent his way.  
  
"You said you were going to turn me into a Remus Chew toy and looked what happened. I almost did become a chew toy..." Steven pointed out, his voice slightly cracking. No one noticed Pomfrey, sneaking out of the room to give thenm so moore privacy.  
  
Severus sat down beside Steven and pulled him into a hug, "You know we didn't mean it... When we heard what had happened, we felt so guilty." Steven hugged him back, one handedly, "We will always love you Steven..." Steven started to sob quietly, "We wouldn't want you to get hurt... We'd miss you..." Severus told him, still hugging him, tears running down his face.  
  
"Is this the point in which you kiss me and we ride off into the sunset together?"  
  
"No that only happens in the movies." Severus told him quietly, "Besides, you're not my type..." Steven stifled a chuckle at that.  
  
"Well you're a big movie star, couldn't you rent a sunset for us?"  
  
"It's not just big cars and women, you know.. There is a lot of hard work involved..."   
  
"Not if you're a porn star..."Steven joked. He was suddenly serious and he pulled away from Alan's embrace, "Do the students know?"He asked wiping his eyes.  
  
"No, but you can bet Voldermort's leopard print thong that they will soon." Severus replied, also wiping his eyes.  
  
Steven shuddered at the mental image that that statment had produced, "Eww, You really do know how to give a guy strange images..."  
  
"That's revenge for the one you gave me at breakfast yesterday?" Alan said with a smirk.  
  
"Sorry, Does Remus know?"  
  
Severus seemed to be carefully weighing his words before he actually said them...  
  
TBC   
  
(A/N: Please excuse the last few chapters in the fic, being messed up but I had plonked it all together on one website and I haven't had time to change them, but on the outside they are the right chapters…) I will update soon.. 


	33. Miss YoYo Panties And A Sad End

Title: Snape's Three Brothers  
  
Author: Max  
  
E-mail: jadekirk007y...  
  
Rating: R to be on the safe side  
  
Pairings: Remus/?? Severus/?? Steven/?? Shaun/??  
  
Archive: Yes, please  
  
Spoilers: SS/PS CoS PoA GoF OoTP  
  
Summary: Snape's three crazy brothers have come to pay our dear old  
  
Severus a visit. Can Severus last the whole time that they are there  
  
without cursing them off the face of the Earth  
  
especially as one of the brothers cause a series of events which  
  
Hogwarts might not recover from. Set in Harry's Sixth year. This is an  
  
AU because I haven't killed off the person who dies in the fifth  
  
book. Remus Lupin is DADA teacher...I just love him. All the brothers  
  
sound and look alike. One of the brothers reveal a secret of  
  
theirs. Mentions of my other fics and characters so be warned. This one  
  
comes after 'Dreams, a Potion and a Sneaky Potion's Master', You  
  
finally get to meet the crazy brothers The songs belong to whoever. It's finally come to an end. cries But there will be a sequel...This is the edited version.. The unedited version can be found on 33  
  
"Well?"   
  
"Yes, he knows, "Severus said, "Shaun went by and told him. Remus was not a happy bunny, Poor Remus." "Poor Remus? What about poor me?" Severus patted Steven on the head, "There, there. You do realise that you're going to have to give up your job as an Auror, don't you?" Steven nodded, "Oh yeah." He replied, looking sad. He shrugged, "Oh well I can live out my dream of becoming a porn star?  
  
Severus gave him a look, "Steven? He said, warningly.  
  
"Steven looked surprised, "What? Because I'm now a werewolf, I have a heightened sex drive so why not get paid to shag?"  
  
"That's if you want to be a rent boy."  
  
"Nah, I don't want to be a rent boy, I want to be a porn star," Steven insisted. Severus gave him another look, "I'm not afraid of my body and I was thinking of leaving the Auror service anyway. Any way, I am old enough to make my own decisions." Severus shrugged.  
  
"OK Say you're a porn star, what would be your porn name?" Severus asked, hiding a smirk.  
  
"I was thinking along the lines of Steven Shagwell. You know, keep my initials and my first name?  
  
"Hmmm It does have a certain ring to it?" Severus stood up, "Well I better go and teach those ickle firsties potions. Lets hope none of them blow up a cauldron as we're making a simple boil removing potion? I'll get Severus to brew some wolfs bane potion for you. " Severus tripped over his robes and landed in a heap. Steven burst out laughing. Severus stood up and glared, "Shut up Steven." "Um Alan, you might want to work on the swooping, I mean, if you don't swoop at least 15 times in one lesson they'll know something is wrong.." "Like I said, shut up Steven.." Severus growled. He smirked as he realised something, "Oh God! I just realised, this means Severus has to teach muggle studies? Steven started laughing, "You seem to be happy today?  
  
Steven opened his mouth to reply, when a voice cut into their conversation.  
  
Shaun stood in the doorway, he started to walk over to them but stopped when he saw the bloody bandage. "God He got you good didn't he?" "Come on, Shaun, stop being such a pussy and get over here." Severus ordered.   
  
"But there's SO much blood!!!" Shaun protested  
  
"I don't get you, you've done so much and yet you're squeamish over a bit of blood." Severus muttered, ignoring Shaun's glare. "Shut up..."Turning to Steven, "Hermione was asking how you were and she sends her love.."  
  
"She asked you too?" Shaun asked, "She's been bugging me all day...I think she wants a repeat performance..."  
  
Severus looked confused, "What? What repeat performance?" then realization hit him, "Oh Steven, you didn't?" Steven nodded, "you slut!"  
  
"He's not the slut, Miss Yo-Yo panties is, I mean from what he told me, she practically threw herself at him..." Shaun said.  
  
"Don't call her that!" Steven said.  
  
"Yo-Yo panties? You're terrible. Does HE know?" Severus asked. Steven and Shaun shook their heads, Severus sighed, "Great, just bloody great."  
  
"Who else have you been shagging?" Severus asked.  
  
"Who hasn't he been shagging?" Shaun asked  
  
Madam Pomfrey bustled over and shooed Severus and Shaun out, stating that Steven needs his rest... They warned Steven to behave himself or else they'd let the twins do their worse on him.  
  
Later that week, Madame Pomfrey said Steven could go but warned him against strenuous exercise. "So I guess Shagging is out then?" she gave him a look after he asked that. Steven beat a hasty retreat, in case she smacked him with her wand.  
  
Steven strolled the hallways, his arm in a sling, catching the eyes of every girl that he passed. They would stop and look at his retreating back, wondering what he's done to himself.   
  
The Hogwarts grapevine knew he had been attacked but they didn't know by what. He passed a group of sixth year Slytherin girls and said "Hi." to them and they went all giggly.  
  
Steven realized the there was an overbearing smell of lust in the air, He turned back, "Hey which of you girls has just got laid?"  
  
"What?" Lucia asked. "Oh! we all have..." she gave him a sly smile, "Why were you planning on joining us?"  
  
"Lucia!" Serena exclaimed, "If he joins us I get him first."  
  
"Have you done something with your hair?" Bella asked. Steven shook his head, "Oh you look different... Sexy. Well even sexier than usual."  
  
"Bella, just shag him already." Ajay cut in, "I mean if he wants to that is.."  
  
"I'd say he wants to." Bella said, looking at his crotch.  
  
"I've heard stories about you." Lucia stated.  
  
Bella, by, this time, had pinned Steven to the wall, her hands wandering over his body.  
  
Bella!!" Jade, a purple haired Slytherin, scolded, "Behave."  
  
"Spoil sport." Bella pouted. "You're no fun.. Look he's desperate. I've got to shag him."  
  
"Well find a room, what if some Innocent Hufflepuff came along right now? I mean, during the house cup was ok....."  
  
"humph! Says she who shagged Remus in front of all those Hufflepuffs.." Serena muttered.  
  
Steven pushed Bella away regretfully, "Sorry but I'm under strict orders..."  
  
Bella and the others pouted, "Awww!"  
  
"Well maybe later." Steven suggested. "First I've got to change!"  
  
"what happened to your clothes?" Ajay asked, pointing to a massive rip in the arm. "It looks like Bella's been at you already.."  
  
"Hey! I resent that!" Bella protested.  
  
"No I'm sure it's Jade." Lucia stated, "you should've seen Remus when she finished with him."  
  
"Bite me."  
  
"Nah I'll leave that up to Remus..."  
  
Steven paled but the girls didn't notice. "Well I know how hard Remus Bites." he said, trying to make light of the situation.  
  
They all turned to look at him, "How Hard does Remus bite?" Jade and Bella asked at the same time.  
  
"Reallllyyyy hard...." Steven replied. The girls started giggling.   
  
"Oh yeah?" Bella asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Yeah it hurt like hell." Steven elaborated  
  
"What's that on your trousers?" Bella asked, looking down.   
  
"Oh that too was Remus.." Steven said, sending the girls off into more fits of giggles   
  
"Listen, I better go." Steven said, walking away, ignoring the girls' protests. 'They wanted you to stay but you walked out on them.' He thought to himself. One thought was fogging his mind, 'Get to Remus.'  
  
A little while later Steven, feeling frustrated that he couldn't find Remus to have words with him amongst other things, namely punching him, even though he knew it wasn't exactly Remus' fault, decided to go for a jog(his logic being as he's not lifting any weights and causing a strain on his arm. Madam Pomfrey said that he could remove it from the sling as long as he doesn't do any strenuous exercise) and he changed into his favourite jogging gear and attached his walkman, which was charmed to work, to his belt. He set off around the school, completely forgetting that it was almost time for lunch. Every now and then he would stop and shake his butt to the music.  
  
He ran into Harry and gave him a look that could either mean, 'I want to bite you' or 'I want to mate with you', Harry wasn't quite sure but he wasn't sure he'd like either of those options. He backed off and ran away, leaving Steven alone but Steven just shrugged and carried on running.  
  
Steven had his earphones on and was jogging around the school past the great hall, wearing a pair of lime green cycling shorts, a green t-shirt, with purple socks and white trainers. He was singing along with the walkman, "What I've got you've got to give it to your mamma, What I've got you've got to give it to your papa, What I've got you've got to give it to your daughter, You do a little dance and then you drink a little water," Here he stopped and wriggled his bum, not noticing that he was right outside the hall and everyone could see what he was doing. He started singing with an imaginary microphone, along with sexy moves that made all the older students and the professors drop their forks. "What I've got you've got to get it put it in you, What I've got you've got to get it put it in you. "What I've got you've got to get it put it in you, What I've got you've got to get it put it in you What I've got you've got to get it put it in you, Reeling with the feeling don't stop continue, Realize I don't want to be a miser, Confide wisely you'll be the wiser, Young blood is the loving? Upriser, How come everybody wanna keep it like the Kaiser." he realised just where he was, shrugged and carried on singing, with a smirk on his face.   
  
Inside the hall, Harry looked puzzled, "There's something different about him... He seems more..."  
  
"Animalistic?" Ginny suggested. "He's been different ever since he was released from the hospital wing.."  
  
"That's IT!! I keep feeling that he wants to mate with me.." Harry replied.  
  
Shaun snorted, "Purleeze, you're too young for him. Besides he only likes randy old werewolves and sweet innocent schoolgirls..."  
  
Harry choked on his drink as he watched Steven disappear from view, "I guess Remus isn't safe then.."  
  
Hermione hit Harry on the arm, "Harry," she scolded, "you can't say things like that about our DADA teacher and Professor Snape's brother."  
  
Shaun muttered something that sounded like, "Hark who's talking, Miss Yo-Yo panties. If Steven wants to shag Remus, then he can go ahead and do it.." He cleared his throat, "I declare, by order of Shaun Snape, there is no way in hell I'm telling you my middle name, that Harry James Potter can talk about my brother, Steven Alexander Graham Snape's, love life and who he's going to shag next!"  
  
Harry smiled, "Thanks."   
  
Hermione scowled at Steven, so he added, "And Miss Hermione 'Yo-Yo panties' Granger can do me next as she's working her way through us Snape Brothers."   
  
Harry's face turned purple as he was holding in the laughter, Hermione turned her scowl onto him, "Sorry 'Mione. How did you get the nickname Yo-Yo panties anyway?"  
  
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Shaun grinned, "Hey Hermione, I'm not as horny as Steven but I am quite horny, I'm afraid after him, I might not be up to his standards so..."   
  
Harry turned to Hermione, "You're working your way through the Snape brothers? Are you really going to shag Shaun?"   
  
Ron's face was red, "No she can not!"   
  
Shaun raised a eyebrow, "Jealous? Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get your go, after all Miss Yo-Yo panties, is according to Steven, quite the animal in bed, and that was before he found himself in the hospital wing..."  
  
Ginny looked at the sky, which was grey, "Uh guys it's raining."  
  
"He's gonna get so dirty..."Shaun muttered, he looked around as if looking for someone, "Where is our Lovable werewolf anyway? Well not the 'green cycling shorts' clad one but our own Steven's lust bunny and life long mate REMUS LUPIN!"!!!"  
  
"Someone call my name?" asked Remus, who stood behind Shaun, "Or should I say, howled it"  
  
Shaun turned around, "Oh Hi Remmiekins, seen your lust bunny lately?"  
  
"Don't call me Remmiekins, Shaun or I might take a bite out of you." Remus warned.  
  
"Ahhh yes, Steven did say you bite, especially after the 'incident' with Steven's trousers."  
  
Steven saw Remus and marched over, not noticing that he was tracking mud everywhere. It was then that Shaun had noticed little Max trailing behind Steven, also with muddy paws. Shaun said "You horrible little creature, I'm going to trade you in for a tortoise." Max looked sad "Mworr." he said sadly. Steven looked down at Max "He didn't mean it Max.." Shaun smirked, "Who said I was talking to Max?"  
  
Steven turned to Remus and said, "You bloody Werewolf! I want words NOW!" Steven grabbed Remus' robes, but slipped on the mud that he had tracked in and fell forward, landing on top of Remus and trapping his injured arm underneath Remus, "Ow that was my injured arm! First you bite me and now you try and cripple my bad arm." he groaned  
  
"Sorry Steven." Remus said, quietly. He shifted a bit accidentally rubbing his body against Steven, who groaned in response. "You do know that you are very heavy," and feeling Steven's reaction added quietly, "And a very horny guy."  
  
"Well Remus, it's all your fault. Anyway I can't get up as my arms are trapped underneath you. Besides I'm not the only horny werewolf around here." He added cheekily.  
  
By this time the whole hall had gathered round and were laughing and pointing. They couldn't hear the conversation as Remus and Steven were speaking in hushed tones.  
  
Shaun was beside himself, laughing so hard. Steven looked up at him. "For gods sake don't just stand there, help me up." Steven snarled.  
  
"Awww Is ickle Steviekins feeling angry?" Shaun mocked.  
  
"Just help me up or I will visit you tonight and make you feel the same way as I do." Steven threatened.  
  
"Shaun paled and grabbed Seven's uninjured arm and pulled him up Steven brushed himself off until, he realised he was covered in mud and he had covered Remus' front too. Shaun then helped Remus up. Steven grabbed Remus by the collar of his shirt and dragged him out of the hall, Remus protesting all the way out.  
  
Shaun turned to Harry, Hermione and Ron and said, "How much do you want to bet that they are shagging right now?" he asked, earning a smack on the arm from Hermione, "Ow, What was that for?"  
  
"You know what for." Hermione scolded. "How can you say that?"   
  
Ron suddenly yelled, "I can't hear you!!!! I'm covering my ears!!!!!!" He did just that.  
  
Shaun scowled, "Oh Miss Yo-Yo panties, you're just jealous because you want another piece of the Steven pie." He stated, earning another smack on the arm from Hermione, "Ow! You do know I'm into bondage right? But I'm usually the one in charge." Hermione flushed, "But I'm sure I can ease that rule just for you, Miss Yo-Yo panties Dominatrix."  
  
Hermione blushed, and Shaun added, slyly. "And I'll even wear the leather catsuit. Seeing as you seen to like it. Now shall I have the whip, the handcuffs or the spanking paddle? What about all three?"  
  
Harry then covered his ears and sang loudly, causing more than a few strange looks in his direction, "LALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"  
  
All the girls within earshot blushed, as they too was imagining Shaun in leather, with the whip and ordering them around. Lavender muttered to Parvati, "I wish he'd whip me..."  
  
Parvati giggled, "Yeah."   
  
Hermione rolled her eyes at them, "Honestly, you too." She chided.   
  
"Well you didn't answer my question, or shall I just shag these two lovely ladies here?" Shaun asked. Hermione looked at him. "What? I'm not as horny as Steven but it's a sad state of affairs when my brother gets more action than I do..." He leaned in to her and whispered, with a smirk "Leather catsuit." Hermione blushed.  
  
Parvati piped up, "I'd shag you."  
  
A whole chorus of girls echoed her thoughts with a massive "Hell Yeah!"  
  
Shaun smirked, "Maybe I should open my own harem in Hogsmeade." he joked. "At least I'd know it would be full of girls waiting to get a piece of me and my brothers... Except maybe Severus, although he looks like he could do with a good shag..."He turned to Hermione, "Perhaps you'd like to help him out in that respect."  
  
Just then Flightie, a sixth year Hufflepuff rushed in, and ran up to Shaun. One look at her face told Shaun she was upset, "What's the matter?"  
  
"Professor Lupin, your brother, in the hallway...."  
  
"What? What are they doing?" Shaun asked a million answers running through his mind, "They're not shagging, are they?"  
  
Flightie blushed, "No. T-the-they're fighting." Shaun growled and ran out of the hall. What greeted his eyes was surprising to say the least, Remus and Steven, were lying on the floor, Steven was on top of Remus and was scratching and biting at Remus, who was doing the same to Steven, all the while growling in guttural tones. Remus had thrown Steven off him and had clambered on top of him, and started biting Steven's neck, while he scratched at Steven's face.  
  
Steven groaned and clawed at Remus' shirt, effectively tearing his shirt open, and gorged his nails down Remus' side. Remus growled and bit down harder. Steven howled as Remus then bit a little lower down on his neck.  
  
Shaun conjured up a bucket of cold water and threw it over the two werewolves causing them to stop what they were doing. "WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU WERE DOING?" He yelled at them.  
  
Steven and Remus had the good graces to look embarrassed "Sorry Shaun." They said in unison  
  
"Where shall I start? You scared a poor Hufflepuff. You were practically shagging. In the hallway of all places. I thought that you, Remus as a professor, would have the sense to find a place to go, like your room for example... If you two want to shag, that's fine just do it in the privacy of your room."   
  
Steven and Remus looked embarrassed, "Sorry Steven."  
  
By this time a whole audience, attracted by Shaun's yells, had gathered round.  
  
"Now who started this?" Shaun asked, his hands on his hips and looking stern.  
  
"Steven did, "Remus said, pointing to Steven, who scowled. "He leapt at me and started biting me." Remus continued.  
  
"Only to get you back for what you did to me." Steven snarled.  
  
"And of course I had to bite him back, show him who's boss and it turned into what you saw." Remus finished, his sandy coloured hair all mussed up.   
  
Shaun glared at the two and said, "Go on, get out of my sight!" Steven and Shaun looked down to the ground and scuttled off together, to God knows where. (A/N: I wrote what they got up to in the fic, 'Steven's Bitch? Be warned it's slash). Shaun sighed and turned to the crowd, "Well, what are you staring at? Get going." The crowd dissipated, leaving Shaun and Flightie alone.. He muttered, loud enough for Flightie, who was standing right next to him, to hear, "Bloody werewolves and their mating habits." Flightie gasped , so he knew that she heard, he turned to her and she blushed, "Look, I'm sorry you had to see that, but don't go telling everyone what you heard me just say. You won't, will you? Do this for me." Flightie shook her head and Shaun smiled a wicked smile, "That's my girl." He then walked away, leaving Flightie alone. She watched him go with a smile on her face because it was right then she realised she had a crush and not on just anybody but her hated Potion's Master's brother.  
  
Back in the Hall, Hermione was half heartedly listening, to Harry's and Ron's conversation, as she was thinking about what she and most of the school had witnessed in the hall, unlike most of her peers, she knew what that meant and what they were doing, 'Bloody hell, Steven got involved in a werewolf mating ritual. I read about that in 'All About Werewolves? What is he thinking?' She thought to herself, 'Wait one minute, he got attacked on a full moon, I heard he was bitten, OH MY GOD! STEVEN IS A WEREWOLF!!! Now what can he expect, Premature greying, heightened sex drive.' She remembered and blushed. She racked her brain on what she knew about werewolves, 'A werewolf, if he meets another werewolf, there's an instant attraction, even if they're both the same sex, and they must mate with each other or they go crazy.. ' She giggled, 'Well it's a good job he didn't bite Professor Snape, although if he did, I'd have to march in and beg to join in. Ooh a threesome with Severus and Remus' She blushed as she realised where her thoughts were taking her, 'Hermione get a grip, get your mind out of the gutter?  
  
Shaun came and sat down beside her, took one look at her face and knew instantly what was wrong, he leaned in, "You're looking a little hot under the collar, Hermione, sure you don't need a cold shower?" he murmured into her ear. Hermione leaned back in surprise, Shaun raised an eyebrow, "What? Surely you didn't think Severus was the only one of us to learn Legilimency of us, now did you?" Hermione shook her . He leaned in again, "Well it looks like you found out Steven's secret. Never mind you won't tell coz I will then turn around and tell everyone about your night of passion with Steven and your goody-two-shoes images will forever be shattered."  
  
"I won't tell." Hermione whispered.  
  
"Good. I also won't tell either Remus or Steven about that fantasy that you were just thinking of." Shaun continued.  
  
Hermione felt herself blush, "What fantasy?" She asked, trying to look unbothered but it's hard to do when your face is as red as a tomato.  
  
Shaun grinned but was saved from answering because Severus and Alan had come in and made a beeline for them. Alan spoke first, "I can't believe he did that and in front of a Hufflepuff no less."  
  
"How did you....?"Shaun asked, raising his eyebrow.  
  
"We heard from one of the students just now, She told us the whole story" Severus explained, "So was Steven and Remus growling and biting each other or was Riyo exaggerating?"  
  
"Oh no they were doing that, if I hadn't' chucked a bucket of water over them, they would've been shagging right about now. Well they probably are, but at least they're out of the sight of the students.." Hermione tuned out their conversation as her mind went firmly in the gutter. Her thoughts drifted off into a fantasy land.  
  
"Hermione? Hermione?"  
  
Hermione snapped out of her daydream to notice Shaun, Severus and Alan all staring at her with wide eyes. Shaun stopped shaking her and gave her a stunned look. She looked at them, "What? Do I have drool on my face or something?" She asked, getting a bit tetchy..  
  
"No," Shaun said, unsure on how to say the next few words, "It was just that you were moaning and look where your hand is?  
  
Hermione looked down and saw her hand was up her skirt and her panties were very damp. She removed her hand quickly, avoiding the three men's eyes, there was now way in hell she was sharing that daydream with those three because she knew that she would never hear the end of it.  
  
Severus and Shaun were seated on either side of her, and Alan stood in front of her. Severus spoke first, "That must've been some daydream, Would you care to share?" He glared at Alan, "Coz I think that someone might just get off on it." He added with a pointed glance in Alan's direction. Alan glared back.  
  
Hermione shook her head, Shaun spoke next, "Just be thankful it was us that saw and not Malfoy or Ron or Harry. I mean they could really tease you about it. Although I think Ron would be very happy that you had a hot fantasy about him." Hermione's head snapped up and looked Shaun straight in the eye. Shaun gasped as he sorted through her memories and saw what she had been daydreaming about.. "Unless of course it wasn't about him at all? Hermione realised what she had done and what he had seen and faced the floor again, her face bright red. Shaun leaned in and whispered, "A very hot daydream there. In fact that dream has made me feel very horny." She looked down and saw, he was in fact very aroused. She moved her eyes to the floor again   
  
"So are you going to tell us or do we have to use that truth potion stuff, whatever it's name is? "Severus cut in, looking irate.  
  
"Shaun, you can tell us, after all you're the one that saw? Alan said.   
  
"I can't tell you. She'll hex me, come on you've read the books, seen the movies, so bad that I'll have to change my name Shauna.. ?Shaun said, his hand over his crotch protectively.  
  
"Can't you at least give us a basic outline? It's made you so horny that you will have to either take a very cold shower or do it by hand." Severus asked, looking pleadingly at Shaun.  
  
"Okay but we can't discuss it here." Shaun said, getting up, "but I can't say any names." He looked down at Hermione, "So Miss Yo-Yo panties, would you like to join us to make sure that I don't say any names that might embarrass you?  
  
"Okay." Hermione said, getting up to. Harry, Ron and Ginny shot enquiring glances at her. "I'm just going to 'talk' to the professors regarding my plans for the future. It won't take long.." She explained, emphasising the word 'talk' while looking at Ginny. Ginny nodded in reply.  
  
"Come on Hermione, I think you underestimated our skills at 'talking? "Shaun replied, also catching the Emphasis on 'talk'. Shaun led them to an empty classroom and, looking the door with the strongest locking spell imaginable, turned to Hermione, "Well shall I tell them or will you?" Hermione muttered quietly, "You tell them." "Okay, before I begin, you don't mind if I also tell Remus, Steven and Sirius do you? No names mentioned of course Okay, before I begin, you don't mind if I also tell Remus, Steven and Sirius do you? No names mentioned of course. Except maybe 'false' ones..." He waited to see what her answer would be.....  
  
Hermione nodded, "Okay but no actual names..."  
  
Shaun looked shocked, "As if I would!" he said in mock horror, his hand over his chest. Hermione laughed at his antics Shaun gave her a smile in return,  
  
Alan cut in suddenly, "As much as I'd hate to interrupt your mating ritual but we're here to hear the daydream."  
  
"OK patience, Sevvie, first I've got to sort myself out," Shaun said, pointing to his crotch. He got up and walked over to the corner and faced the wall so Hermione couldn't see what she was doing. Of course her mind was giving her plenty of images and all she wanted to do was to walk over there and beg him to let her pleasure him..  
  
"Cooooommmmeeeee oooooonnnnnnnn Shaun," Severus whined, "Hermione has that look in her eyes again. We want to hear what she was thinking..."  
  
Alan raised an eyebrow, "Aren't you the horny one today? What's the matter? Did you get bitten by Lupin as well? Will you be joining the Remus Lupin Harem today as well" Severus hit Alan on the arm, "Ow, That's your body, you're abusing." He looked at Hermione, who was blushing bright red, "Now look what you did, you made Hermione blush by talking about Moony's affliction like that.."  
  
Hermione blushed even more but she wasn't blushing for the reason that Alan thought. Shaun, in the corner made a sound which sounded like a choke, Severus looked over to the corner, "What's the matter, Shaun did you swallow something you shouldn't have?"  
  
Shaun turned around, after zipping himself up, evidently finished, walked over to Severus and smacked him. "No I didn't, Granddad!" He spat out the last word like they were an insult of some kind."  
  
"Ow, What is this, Pick On Alan day?" Severus asked, looking disgruntled  
  
"When you've quite finished, I believe Shaun was about to tell us Hermione's daydream..." Alan interjected coolly.  
  
"Ahhh yes, once I've finished, there's always that corner available for you..." Shaun said, slyly. "Although Sevvie, might in there quite a long time...."Shaun added, ignoring the glare Alan sent his way...  
  
"Well get on with it, before we're as old as Alan is, or in Alan's case as old as Dumbledore..." Alan growled impatiently.  
  
Severus hit Alan on the arm and added a kick for extra measure, "Ow, stop abusing your own body, Alan."  
  
"Well get on with it Shaunie," Severus pleaded, ignoring the shudder that Shaun gave at his childhood nickname.. "Don't you like Shaunie? It sounds SO cute, especially when you get your cheek pinched at the same time..."   
  
"Shut up or I won't tell." Shaun growled. The whole room was quiet. "Thank you. Well the condensed version is Hermione had a daydream about two guys.... We'll call them Alan and David and she was fantasising on what she wanted them to do her, which included, screwing in every hole and getting covered in cum." By this time Alan and Severus had turned to look at Hermione, who was blushing a dark shade of red. "Now you see why I wanted a cold shower..."  
  
"Hermione, where did you learn things like that?" Severus asked  
  
"Indeed Miss Granger, where did you hear things like that?"  
  
"I think Hermione has been spending all her spare time on fanfiction.net. That's when she's not fantasising about werewolves that is..." Shaun put his hands to his mouth as he realised what he had just said.  
  
Hermione looked shocked, Alan looked livid and Severus looked interested," What did you say?" Alan demanded "Yeah what did you say Shaun?" Severus asked.  
  
"Did I hear you right did you just say that Hermione fantasises about werewolves. Does Remus know of her crush on him? Was Remus one of those guys in the daydream?" Shaun nodded, "Who was the other guy?"  
  
Shaun turned to Hermione, who had raised her arm to him "I'm sorry, it just slipped out. Don't worry I'm not going to tell."  
  
Hermione gave him a look, that plainly said, 'You tell them and I will hex you so bad that you'll be spending the rest of your life in hospital.', Shaun gulped, as he knew she'd probably do it.  
  
Before any of them could reply, the bell rang, signalling the next lesson, which for Hermione was DADA.   
  
Shaun turned to Hermione and asked, "So, what lesson have you now?"  
  
"Defence against the Dark Arts." Hermione whispered. Severus' and Shaun's eyes seemed to glitter with mischief, even Alan's eyes had a bit of a twinkle in them..  
  
"Oh well, we'll walk you to the lesson," Shaun offered, "Can't have you being late...Even if Remus is otherwise occupied."  
  
"Yes," Severus coughed, "HimshaggingStevenandyoufantasisingabouthim is really why you want to be there early. we understand..." Hermione glared at him, and Severus busied himself with unlocking the door. As soon as the door was unlocked, they all headed towards the DADA classroom.   
  
A little while later as they entered the DADA classroom, Shaun saw Remus sitting behind his desk, looking a bit dishevelled, well more than usual and sitting a bit awkwardly but talking very animatedly to Steven, who was leaning over the desk, with his back to the students. All the girl students were admiring his well sculpted ass, which was very apparent in the tight black trousers he was wearing.  
  
Severus grabbed Hermione's sleeve and muttered, "Looks like they had a good time...Hey maybe next time you could ask to join in..."  
  
Hermione blushed but added with an evil smile on her face, "You know, maybe I will after all I never did say who the other guy was.." Severus looked very shocked and stopped suddenly, causing Hermione, Shaun, and Alan to plough into him, knocking them all into a heap.  
  
The whole classroom's attention was shifted onto the pile in the doorway. A few students burst out laughing, but some of the girls looked jealous and wished they were in the pile instead of Hermione..  
  
Remus got up and knelt down in front of the pile, he caught Hermione's eyes but she blushed and looked away, "So," Remus said, "Is this a private party or can anyone join in?"  
  
"Sure," Shaun said, accidentally touching Hermione's bum, "Come on in, Hermione is lovely.."  
  
"Yeah Remus," Severus added, "She's all ready for you.."  
  
Remus raised an eyebrow, "I'm afraid to ask..."  
  
Just then Flightie rushed in and tripped over Alan's feet and landed right on top of Shaun, She blushed as she realised where she had landed and who she had landed on top of, "Sorry," she blushed, "I don't know what I fell over..."  
  
"It's okay," Shaun consoled her, "You just tripped over my brother's big feet. Are you ok?" Flightie nodded, blushing, Shaun gripped her hand which had landed on his crotch as she fell, she blushed, "So am I really that bad that you had to touch me up?" he joked causing her to turn an even darker shade of red. "Look I'm sorry, I was only kidding..." He added, stroking her hand, causing sparks to rocket up Flightie's arm. She smiled at him.  
  
Severus rolled his eyes, "For god's sake, just shag already.." he growled, it was unclear who he was referring to though.  
  
Flightie clambered off Shaun and Remus, who helped him up whispered in his ear, "She likes you.. In fact I think she fancies the pants off you.."   
  
"How do you know that?" Shaun asked. Remus was spared from answering while him and Steven helped everyone else up. Remus looked at Shaun, who was still holding Flightie's hand, Shaun realising this, let go quickly.   
  
They all looked at each other and blushed, and hurried to their seat but not before Steven, sensing that a bit of teasing was in order said loudly, so the whole class could hear, "Who's Always Complaining They Don't Get Any Action?" The class broke out in giggles and Flightie blushed. "Well it looks like you got lucky there.."  
  
"Shut it Steven, so what are we discussing today, Remus? The life and mating habits of the common garden werewolf? Well Steven, you'd know all about that wouldn't you?" Shaun fired back.  
  
The whole class apart from Steven, Shaun, Remus, Alan and Hermione looked bemused. Remus coughed, "Actually we're discussing the life span of a werewolf and the symptoms of a werewolf...." He looked around the class, "Now who can tell us about one of the symptoms that a werewolf has to deal with, apart from the monthly transformations that is.." To no ones surprise, Hermione's shot up, "yes Hermione?"   
  
"Premature greying." She answered, blushing, 'There's no way I'm saying the other symptom..'  
  
"Good, ten points to Gryffindor." Remus replied, blushing slightly, "Now anyone care to enlighten us with the other symptom?" To everyone's surprise Hermione's hand stayed down and she was blushing furiously. Remus looked around at the class, "No one?"  
  
He looked at Flightie, who had her hand up, "Yes, Flightie,"  
  
Flightie blushed and said in no more than a whisper, "The werewolf in human form has a heightened s-s-s-s-s-s-sex d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-drive."   
  
Remus and Steven both blushed, "Excellent! ten points to Hufflepuff." He started walking around in front of the class, "Yes the werewolf has a very heightened sex drive," He said in lecture mode, "If you are unlucky enough to meet a transformed werewolf, you might get...." He broke off as Steven collapsed with laughter and fell off the desk, "The class looked bemused, Remus turned to look at him, "And what is so funny?" He growled.  
  
"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-might g-g-g-g-g-get your leg ma-ma-ma-mated with." Steven said, between laughs causing Remus to blush. "I really prefer them when they're human though.. some of those werewolves are pretty shaggable." he added with a pointed look at Remus.  
  
"While we're interested to hear about your love life, Steven. I think we better get back to the lesson.." Remus said. The whole class blushed as they realised what Steven had been referring to.  
  
"Hey it seems those Slytherin girls get a lot of action.. I mean Jade, Riyo, Lucia, Bella, Serena and Ajay to name a few of them (A/N: I told you I was going to include you guys) that's from Slytherin, From Gryffindor there's Mary, Piper Hermione and Ginny." Steven muttered so that only Remus could hear, ignoring Remus' interruption. "You already knew what animals they can be... Especially those Slytherins. Remember, Remus, Ajay had me do a porn show with one of the girls... Just so that we could watch her and Severus (A/N: Remember guys, they've switched bodies) shag..."  
  
"Ahem back to the lesson..."Remus said. Steven wisely shut up and they spent the rest of the lesson taking notes..  
  
Next lesson was Divination. As Steven and Shaun entered the classroom, it had taken them a while to get up the ladder because of Steven's injured arm, he had grumbled, "I'm getting too old for this," Trelawney swooped down on Steven and announced to the whole class that Steven would die a most painful death.."  
  
Steven scoffed and replied, "That's a load of crap, do you expect me to be intimidated by that.."  
  
Trelawney had looked at him with her beady eyes and replied, in her misty voice, "It is as the prophecy foretold..."  
  
"Look, screw the prophecy..."  
  
Trelawney just ignored him for the rest of the lesson, which was fine by Steven as he didn't care.  
  
Trelawney swooped down on Harry and announced that he, "would also die.."  
  
Harry, who by this time had heard it all before so he wasn't bothered by this announcement, the class had looked anxiously at him as if he was going to drop dead any minute.   
  
Shaun had muttered to Steven, "The day that Harry dies will be the day that I go into the hall wearing pink bunny slippers and am dressed up as Britney Spears.."  
  
Steven, of course, had burst out laughing at the mental image that that had produced, drawing Trelawney's attention to him, she swooped back and said, "You may laugh now but don't coming crying to me when you're dead.."  
  
"How can I come crying to you, when I'm dead. Even if I become a ghost, I still wouldn't let you see me cry.." Steven replied, with so much venom in his voice that the class actually thought he was Severus for about ten seconds..  
  
The whole class went silent waiting for Trelawney's reply but all she said was "Get back to work!!! AND no talking..." The whole class went back to work, but watched Steven and Harry as if to make sure they didn't drop dead right there..  
  
The class was very glad to leave when they were let out to go to dinner...  
  
They all entered the hall and sat down at the Gryffindor table, Harry sat in between Steven and Shaun while Hermione sat on the other side, she noted their glum faces, "What's the matter?" "Steven was told he would die.. Very painfully." Ron said, looking worried as if Steven was going to drop dead any moment..  
  
"Surely you don't believe that for one moment.." Hermione scoffed..  
  
"He doesn't." Harry replied.  
  
"What's with the sad face then?" Hermione asked.  
  
"She told him he must reveal a secret of his before it's too late.." Shaun commented. He turned to Steven. "So care to enlighten us?" By this time, Steven had a cup halfway to his mouth, "Well after you've had your drink.." Steven took a long drink, shuddered, dropped his cup and then collapsed. Everyone crowded around him. Hermione checked his pulse, and looked up terrified, "His pulse is thready.. He needs help.."  
  
Steven struggled to sit up, he looked at Hermione and said, "I must say a few things before.." He broke off coughing. "I feel weak, sick. I have a confession to make.." He turned to the boys that were standing next to him.. "I was involved with your mother and I got her pregnant... you have a brother and his name is...." He suddenly went limp. Hermione checked his pulse again, she looked up with tears in her eyes and said, her voice cracking. "There's no pulse... He's gone.."   
  
The End 


End file.
